


Per Cor Meum

by ATTHS_TWICE



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e13 Per Manum, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Post-Episode: s02e13 Irresistible (X-Files), Post-Episode: s07e02 The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-05-14 06:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATTHS_TWICE/pseuds/ATTHS_TWICE
Summary: Post Per Manum. Takes place directly after Mulder and Scully find out the IVF failed.





	1. Heartache and Healing

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been rattling around in my head for a few weeks now. It will be a few chapters as I have some plans for it. Hope you enjoy it!

“Never give up on a miracle,” he said. She took a deep breath and kissed him on the cheek, the neck, before returning to his embrace, borrowing his strength. She choked on a sob that had bubbled to the surface since discovering the ova implantation had failed. Finding Mulder here waiting in her apartment, had been her breaking point. She cannot hide her pain, sorrow, and utter defeat from him. 

He held her close, lending her his strength. He hummed as he rocked her slowly. He would not let go of her until she decided to move. 

She took a step back and placed her hands on his chest. She looked into his eyes, thanking him wordlessly for his comfort and support. He nodded and squeezed her hips as she stepped away. 

She walked to her room and shut the door. He knew that she needed a minute to compose herself. He stared after her, his heart aching for her, for both of them. He does not know what to do. He felt wound up and he needed to **do** something. Something to change fate, to give her what she should have. He cannot do that, however, so he decided to do something he could. He would make her some tea. He heard her door open and then the bathroom door close. He filled the kettle with water, turned the range on, placed the kettle down, grabbed two mugs, and the teabags. He searched until he found the nighttime tea she liked to use to help her sleep. 

He heard the bathroom door open and she padded into the kitchen. “Water should be ready in a few minutes. Do you want the sleepy tea?” He asked turning his head to look at her. 

She looked so small standing there in her flannel pajama pants and a black long sleeved shirt. He could see that she had been crying again, biting her lip to stop now, but made no comment on it. He waited for her answer about the tea. 

“That’s fine, Mulder. Whichever one you pick will be fine,” she said in a quiet voice, before turning and walking to the couch. She sat down, her back to him, and let out a long sigh. He saw her pull her knees up to her chest and rest her head there. 

Fucking hell, he thought as he clenched his jaw and roughly ran his hand across his eyes and mouth. He wills the water to hurry so he wound have something to do with this angry energy. At the same time, once the tea is ready, it would mean facing her. He did not know if he could do that right now without blubbering like a goddamn baby. 

When she had asked him to be the one to help her have a baby, he was overcome with a myriad of emotions. More than anything, he was worried. But his worry was for her, that this would not work and she would be exactly where she was right now. He braced himself on the counter, took a deep breath, and stood up. 

The tea kettle whistled. He shut off the fire and poured the water into their waiting mugs. He let the tea steep, then added a couple ice cubes to each mug. He took a small plate from the cupboard and placed it under his arm as he grabbed the mugs and headed toward the couch. 

She raised her head as he set the mugs down, on the coffee table; the plate next to them. “For the teabags,” he said at her questioning look. She nodded and rested her cheek on her knees. 

He sat at the opposite end of the couch, his hands folded in his lap. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She had not moved but he saw a single tear slide down her nose. She took a shuddering breath, wiped it away, and raised her head. 

She sat cross legged with her back against the end of the couch, facing him, her eyes closed. He looked at her, waiting for what, he was not sure. 

He could hear the kitchen clock ticking as they sat in silence. He leaned forward and took her teabag out of her cup, setting in on the plate. He picked up the cup and blew on it a few times before handing it to her. 

His movement had caused her to open her eyes. She had watched him. Seeing him blow on her tea, was such a small gesture, and yet it brought tears to her eyes. She tried to blink them away before he noticed.

But nothing escaped him. As he handed her the mug, he brushed his fingers across hers, offering her a small amount of comfort. 

“Thank you, Mulder,” she whispered. She held the cup in her hands, the warmth seeping into her fingers. 

“Did you want some sugar? I forgot to add it,” he started to stand up. 

“No, Mulder. I don’t use sugar anymore. This is fine. Thank you.” She said, giving him a small smile. 

He nodded and sat back down, grabbing his own tea as he did. He placed the teabag on the plate beside hers. He remembered now, that she had recently stopped using sugar or eating overly sugary foods. She had told him some sciencey reason, but he only half listened. He knew her. Knew how much she loved sweets. He figured she would give up this kick like she did with the bee pollen thing. 

She had stayed true to her word though, and no longer bought sugary treats. However, it did not stop her from sneaking a piece of a brownie he bought before a plane ride, or taking small bites of a dessert he had ordered. 

He took a drink of his tea and he grimaced. “Nope. You may not want sugar, but I definitely need some. How can you drink that without some kind of sweetener? I’m getting some honey,” he said as he stood up and headed toward the kitchen. 

He opened the cupboard, happy to see she still had some in there. He squeezed a generous amount in his tea. He grabbed a spoon, stirred it, and gave it another tentative taste. That was better. He started back toward  the couch when he heard her call out his name. He looked at her holding out her own mug, silently asking for some honey. He turned back to grab it with a smile. Yeah, she “gave up” sugar. 

He walked to her and squeezed some honey in her cup, but not as much as his. He stirred it and stepped back, watching her. She took a drink and nodded. He brought the honey and spoon back to the kitchen, then joined her on the couch. 

They drank their tea in silence. Any discussion, aside from what happened today, seemed unimportant. He wanted to know more, but he did not want to push. He glanced at her, but her eyes were down, looking at her feet, holding her mug in her lap. 

She took a deep breath and uncrossed her legs, leaned forward and set her mug on the coffee table. She stood up and looked at him. 

“I think I want to go to bed, Mulder.” 

He stood up too and grabbed her mug. He moved around the couch, her following behind.  He put the mugs in the sink and turned to her. She stood with her head down. Things unsaid were stilling hanging in the air, but tonight would not be the night. 

“Okay,” he said quietly. “I’ll let you get some sleep then, Scully. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Her head snapped up and her eyes were wide. “Okay, maybe not tomorrow..” he said half-jokingly. 

She stared at him. Trying to relay what she wanted without actually speaking. Her eyes were desperate and almost scared. 

“Or I could stay. If.. I mean.. if you’d like me to,” he said even quieter, giving her a chance to say no, as if he hadn’t spoken at all. 

She let out a breath and nodded slightly. He nodded back and she turned toward her room. He headed to the couch, where he had been earlier, before she came home and shared their heartbreaking news. 

“What are you-“ she said brokenly, her breathing ratcheting up. 

He looked at her, surprised. He pointed to the couch with raised eyebrows. She shook her head and gestured toward her bedroom. She walked out of the room and he followed. She was opening her closet when he walked in the room. He did not spend much time in her room. He always felt that it was her sacred place and he should ask permission. 

He stood looking around, before she walked up to him and handed him some clothes. He looked at her in surprise. 

“These are my clothes, Scully. Where did you get these?” He was holding a pair of his sweatpants and a dark grey shirt, and under the shirt a pair of his underwear. He looked at her as she smiled. 

“Mulder, do you know how many times I’ve had to pack for you or grab what you have forgotten over the years? I’ve brought it home and kept it here. Inevitably, at some point, I knew you would need them. Looks like I was right.” 

“Good looking out, partner,” he said as he stepped back to head to the bathroom. 

“Uh.. you can change in here. I’ll use the bathroom first?” She stated it like a question, looking for his approval. He nodded and she left the room. 

It was odd to be undressing in her room. The last time he had been undressed in here, he had been suffering from toxins in his water. He did not remember much about that night. He had woken in only his underwear thinking he could no longer trust her. 

He shook his head as he slipped his pants on then his shirt. He folded his clothes and put them on the table in the kitchen. He heard the toilet flush and went to stand in the hallway. He leaned against the wall waiting for her.

She opened the door surprised to find him right there. “There is an extra toothbrush on the counter, it’s new. I just opened it.” She walked past him heading for her room. 

He went into the bathroom and used the toilet, washed his hands and face, and brushed his teeth. It was strange how being in her bathroom, getting ready for bed, was more intimate than when they shared a bathroom for a few days in San Diego. 

They had gotten ready for the day, **together** in that bathroom. He had brushed his teeth, shaved, and brushed his hair while she had done what she needed. He was fascinated to watch the small amount of time she took to get ready, fixing her hair and makeup, yet she looked as if she had spent hours doing so. Standing in that bathroom with her had felt.. comfortable.

He had gotten up earlier than her and made coffee. He would knock on the door and enter at her sleepy “come in.” He set her coffee on the nightstand as he went to get ready, bringing his own coffee with him. She had shuffled in not long after, yawning-her hair tousled and carrying her cup. 

He had felt so comfortable with her, no hesitation, no embarrassment to be standing half naked and shaving, while she leaned against the counter and talked to him. She had been so adorable in the mornings. 

He put his toothbrush down now, in the cup next to hers. He opened the door and walked back to her room. She was sitting on her bed, leaning forward, fingers interlocked, head down. He stood in the doorway, watching her, not knowing what to do. 

“Scully, I’m going to head out to the couch. I’ll grab a blanket from the closet.” 

She jumped up and stared at him. “Mulder.. no.. I..” she took a deep breath. “I.. could you stay with me? In here? Mulder, I don’t want to be alone.” 

He stepped in the room in two strides, wrapping his arms around her. “Of course, Scully. Whatever you need, I’m here.” She pulled him close and held him tightly. She stepped back and walked to her bed, pulling the blankets back and putting the extra pillows on the chair. Mulder walked to the other side and helped her. 

She got in bed, lying on her side, her back to him. She pulled the covers up to her chest. He climbed under the sheets beside her, lying on his back. She reached her hand behind her and he immediately held her fingers in his. She tried to choke back a sob, but she could not keep it in. Mulder squeezed her hand and she began to cry in earnest. 

“Can.. can you hold me?” She said between sobs, pulling his hand, trying to bring him closer. 

He turned immediately, pulling her close to him. She was sobbing, her body shaking. He held her close, and let her cry. He knew that nothing he said right now could make her feel better. Nothing he said would stop the feelings of failure, of hopes realized and then ripped away. He let her cry and held her, reassuring her that he was there with her, and he was not going to let her do this alone.  

She was starting to calm down, her tears slowing somewhat. She held onto Mulder’s arm around her waist, gripping his forearm. His presence was the only thing keeping her grounded. His arms around her, his body spooning hers made her feel safe. 

“Dr Parenti said they had three ova that were viable,” she said, ending with a sob. Mulder held his breath. He knew this already. They were told this from the beginning. 

They had sat in the doctor’s office a couple days after he had given his first specimen. They had discussed his sperm count, mobility, and chance of fertilization. It was all said in medical factual terms, yet he found himself blushing. To be discussing his sperm count in front of Scully seemed very personal. 

He had laughed inwardly at that thought. They had been through so much, yet he blushed discussing his sperm count. Scully had sat and nodded, asking occasional questions. He should not even be feeling uncomfortable. His part was easy. He would give one more donation and they would use that to fertilize her eggs and get them ready for implantation. 

He felt the need to shift his legs at the thought of her on a table, legs in those stirrup things, while the doctor put an instrument inside her body. God..his part was **so** easy. She glanced at him, and seeing the slight grimace on his face, she put a hand on his arm.  

Dr. Parenti was called out of the room at that moment, leaving them alone. 

“You okay, Mulder? Not having second thoughts are you? Or is it the sperm discussion?” She smiled. “You know for a guy who has a collection of videos that aren’t his, this discussion sure seems to make you uncomfortable.” Her eyes were shining knowing she had just informed that yes, she had seen him blushing. 

He smiled as he looked down and turned his hand over, lacing his fingers with hers. He caught her surprised look, but she didn’t pull her hand away. 

He looked at her, really looked at her. She had such hope in her eyes, so happy that the possibility of this chance existed; she seemed to be radiating light. He knew it might not happen, but he would fight anyone who tried to take this from her. 

“I was just thinking about your portion of this Scully and what you will have to go through. Seems an unfair advantage being a man sometimes,” he said with a half smile. “My part in this is fairly easy. A little.. out of my comfort zone, but bearable. I was just thinking that I wish you had the same easiness I did.” 

She looked at him with such tenderness, it almost took his breath away. She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I appreciate the concern Mulder, really I do. But honestly, the procedure is relatively equally as invasive as going to the gynecologist. Been doing that half my life, so this will be similar.”

He was going to say something flippant, but the door opened and Dr. Parenti came back in the room. They both pulled their hand away at the same time, but not before he noticed and grinned at them. Now they both blushed. 

He explained more information about Mulder’s next donation. The need to abstain from sexual activities, including on his own, which caused him to blush again and Scully to smile. 

Scully and Dr. Parenti discussed what she would need to do, but he wasn’t listening. He was watching her. She was smiling and so happy. He was so worried that this plan would end in heartbreak. He knew better than to say anything or discourage her. 

He had kept the information about her ova from her believing he was protecting her. Protecting her from falling headlong into something with a low success rate. His fear seemed to be coming true. 

Soon they were out of the office and leaving the building. He suggested getting a coffee and she agreed. As they sat outside, enjoying the day, she had looked at him and he knew he had been caught. 

“Mulder, I know that the odds of this working may not be incredibly high, but I still have to try. I have the chance to possibly have a child, and I.. this is my last chance, Mulder. Really, it’s my only chance. I know you’re worried, I am too. But Mulder,” she reached for his hand and he gave it. “I need you to stop looking at me the way you do, with so much worry. You might think you’re being secretive, but I know you. I see it. Please, Mulder.” 

He bowed his head and closed his eyes. Of course she saw, of course she knew what he was doing. He had not been making eye contact with her much in the office, his smiles were forced. She saw through him all the time. He opened his eyes and looked at her. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, then rested her hand against his chin. 

“I’m just worried about you, Scully. I just.. I don’t.. I worry about **you** ,” he said looking in her eyes, his own full of worry and sadness. 

She opened her hand and stroked his face. “I know you worry Mulder, I know. But whatever the outcome, I **have** to try. I have to.” 

They stared at each other. Finally, he nodded and he smiled. She smiled back and brought her hand back to her lap. They finished their coffee in companionable silence. 

When the day came for the procedure, after Mulder had given his last donation, and the embryos were ready to be implanted, Mulder waited for her in the waiting room. He was wound tight with anxious energy. He could not sit still. He would be down for awhile, then up pacing the room, then back down in the chair-his legs bouncing up and down. 

After what felt like forever, on his tenth trip walking around the room, a nurse came to get him. She had a smile on her face which he misunderstood to mean everything went well. She told him Scully had asked her to get him and bring him back to the recovery room. That she would know him because he would be pacing around, his hands either on his hips, in his hair, or on his neck. 

“I watched you for a bit, and she had you pegged perfectly. You two must have been together a long time,” she said smiling at him, leading him down the hall. 

He smiled back, but said nothing. He wanted to get to Scully, make sure she was okay. She opened the door where Scully was resting. She turned her head to him and gave him a sleepy smile. 

“So which was it?” She asked the nurse with a smirk as she looked at him. “Hips, hair, or neck?” 

“Would you believe, all three?” The nurse said with a laugh. 

“Hmmm, yeah.. the trifecta. Must have been really worried about something,” she said with a kind smile and sleepy voice, her eyes flitting to his and then fighting to stay open. 

“They gave her a sedative. She’ll sleep for a little while, maybe an hour or so, but she wanted you here with her. I brought you a chair and there are some magazines if you’re interested. I’ll leave you two alone now. If you need anything, just push the call button.” 

“Thank you,” the first words he’s said since she came to get him. “Thanks a lot.” 

She smiled and left the room. 

He sat in the chair and pulled it closer to her bed. She was already asleep, her mouth open. She had a low tolerance for sedatives. The smallest amount knocked her out. She might sleep longer than the other patients in here. 

He watched her sleeping and felt his breath catch. This was it. The deed was done. He looked at her face, making sure she was asleep.  He watched her face as he reached out and gently touched her stomach. She did not move. 

He closed his eyes and put his head on the metal bedrail. He kept his hand on her stomach and called out to a god that he did not believe in, begging to please let this work. “Please, please, please, please...” he felt tears on his arm before he even realized he had even been crying. 

He lifted his head, worried she might have woken and seen him crying. She still slept, unaware of his breakdown. He wiped his eyes and his nose. He took his hand off her stomach and held her hand instead. He sat back in the chair. Now that he knew she was okay, now that he could touch her and see her, he felt his body relax. He drifted off to sleep with her, his heart no longer racing.  

Now here they were, in her bed, her heart breaking and he could do nothing to help her. Their chance had come and gone. There were no more ova that were viable. Three strikes and they were out. He wanted to beat the fucking shit out of every last person who did this to her. 

He cannot though, most of them are already dead. Burnt alive by an unknown alien race. If many innocent lives were not lost that day, he would feel more of a sense of victory. But he does not. Not when the person he cares for most in the world is experiencing another heartbreak because of them and their crusade. Fuck them. They deserved to die. 

He pulled Scully closer and kissed her hair. She was crying more quietly now. Her sobs slowing. “What else did he say, Scully?” He closed his eyes, wanting but not wanting to hear the answer. 

She took a deep shuddering breath. “He said, that it was a long shot to begin with, but,” she tried to calm her voice as it caught on her tears. “But, that it had been worth it to see if it would work. He’s right.. although it doesn’t feel that way right now. I know.. I know I said I wanted to try, that I had to.. but.. Mulder.. god..” 

She started crying again and all he could do was hold her. Lend her his comfort, his strength, whatever she needed, he would give. 

“Scully, if you hadn’t tried,” he said quietly, against her ear. “If you had known they were there and did nothing, you would have regretted it, you know you would have. You had to try. If.. if I had told you sooner.. if I had..”

“Mulder, it wouldn’t have made a difference,” she cut across him. “You said yourself you had them tested. Maybe.. maybe.. Dr. Parenti just had high hopes and wanted to try. I don’t know. God.. I just thought that **ONE** would make it. That.. that my prayers and hopes and my faith in this science would work for me, not against me.” 

Mulder felt a huge lump in his throat and he unsuccessfully tried to choke back a sob. She heard it and turned over. She wrapped herself around him, burying her head in his neck as she pulled his to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer to him with one arm by her waist. The other arm was around her neck. 

They clung to each other and cried. Both for the same and also different reasons.  They both wept for the baby that was never going to be there. The little half Mulder, half Scully. The inquisitive baby with bluish hazel eyes and auburn hair. The baby that would give Mulder the family he craved and Scully the family she deserved. The baby that would have shown it did not matter how it came into the world, but that love had made it possible. 

Mulder cried for Scully. All that had been taken from her, stolen, the hell she had gone through and again she suffered. Again the bad guys had won. He cried because he could not protect her that day when he followed her to Skyland Mountain. He was so close, and he failed her. All of this was because of him. She suffered because of him. And yet, she stayed with him. She wanted him to bring life onto the planet with her. He cried for the trust she placed in him and yet he failed her. He cried. 

Scully cried for Mulder. She cried because she knew he blamed himself. He saw all of her suffering as his fault. He had no idea that she would have been taken and as a result this chain reaction of shit would begin. She cried because she knew that even if she had known, she would not have left him. She would sacrifice her future if it meant she could be a part of his present. She cried for the guilt she felt to think that way, but she knew it was true. She cried.

Wrapped up in each other, they wept. When at last there were no more tears, when they both were spent, they clung to the other and slept. 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Remembrance and Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully remembers the times she asked Mulder to stay over. They recover from their night of sadness and pain.

Scully was sleeping, hard. She had not moved in quite awhile. She had her face pressed into her pillow, mouth open. She took a deep breath and her eyes cracked open, then slid shut when the brightness of the room hurt too much. She moved the pillow to get more comfortable and then her eyes flew open. 

She sat up and looked at her clock. 9:30! Oh shit! She was so fucking late. She sat up quickly, about to jump out of bed and then remembered-she had taken the week off. She fell back into bed groaning as her heart raced. 

As she felt her heart slowing down, she remembered last night. How she and Mulder had cried with each other over the failed IVF. They had fallen asleep holding each other, sharing the hurt and pain. 

She had woken some time in the middle of the night. She still had a tight hold on Mulder. She could feel him rubbing her back, his hand moving slowly. She shifted, releasing him, needing to get some distance from him. The desperation had passed. She needed some space. Had to have some. He kept a grip on her, not letting her get too far. She quietly said she needed to use the bathroom and he let her go. 

She closed the bathroom door behind her, sitting on the edge of the tub. She ran her hands down her face before folding her hands against her mouth. 

She was all cried out, her body feeling extremely tired, her head aching. She felt empty. But her heart was racing. She gripped the edge of the tub and put her head down. She did not know how to go back in her room knowing Mulder was in there. In her bed. 

This was not the first time she had asked him to stay with her. To hold her. But this time was different. This need was born of their own doing. A decision they had made together had resulted in heartbreak and sadness. The other times she had asked him to stay, three in all before tonight, had been because he was the only one to understand her pain. The only one who could bring her calm after her world had shifted. 

The first time was after Donnie Pfaster had taken her and almost killed her. She had asked him to stay with her. She had needed to know he was there, that she was safe, that nothing would happen to her. 

At the motel, after they had been to the hospital, she had taken a shower. As she had stepped out of the shower, she heard Mulder softly knock. She wrapped in a towel, opening the door a crack to see him standing there, handing her some clothes. They were his. She did not have any of her own there. Her bag had been in the car that was run off the road. It was currently either in an impound lot, or evidence at the station. 

Mulder had apologized that they had not thought to get hers or stop for some. She took the clothes, thanking him softly, as she closed the door. He had handed her a T-shirt and a pair of his boxers. She had felt her face flush. At the same time, she had heard his quiet voice from the other side of the door, apologizing again, but that was all he had to offer her. She thanked him and slowly got dressed and came out to join him. 

She sat on the bed and Mulder stared at her face, seeing all the damage done by Pfaster. He shook his head at the anger he felt at himself for what had happened. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” she told him, staring him in the eyes. “I can feel you blaming yourself, Mulder. In no way was this your fault. The only person responsible is Pfaster.” 

“I brought us down here. I got..”

“You had tickets to a football game, Mulder,” she said with a small smile. “You wanted to surprise me. That.. that was incredibly sweet. I don’t hold you responsible. You need to do the same.” She asked him with her eyes to please stop taking on that blame. He stared back, not willing to relinquish that just yet. 

“I’m fine, Mulder. You figured out where I was and you got there in time. I’m fine.” He stepped toward her and lightly touched her cheek, looking at her numerous scratches and bruises. 

“Fine, huh?” He said quietly. He shook his head. “You don’t look “fine” to me, Scully.” He moved his hand to rest on her neck, his thumb stroking lightly on her cheek. 

“Better than the alternative,” she said trying to lighten the mood. His hand tightened on her neck and his thumb stopped. He closed his eyes and then looked at her with a look she had never seen. His eyes were strangers to hers. 

“Don’t. Don’t say that, Scully. That.. I couldn’t. Please don’t say that.” He looked at her with eyes reflective of his emotions. Lost, empty, terrified, hopeless, incomplete. Without her, he was all of those things. When she had been missing before, supposedly gone from this world, he had felt the same way. Nothing mattered but finding her. He was a ship with no sail, a sail with no wind-useless and pointless. How could he care so much for her in such a short period of time? 

She saw his anguish and felt it deep within her body. Just as he had stood and felt her pain and absorbed it, she now attempted to take his. She reached up and held his wrist as he stroked her face. She closed her eyes and breathed. 

She shifted and felt the pain in her body. She moaned and opened her eyes. Mulder took his hand off her face and turned to the bag of items she had from the nurse. He grabbed the pain pills and went to the bathroom for a cup. He came back to her with the pills in his hand and the cup full of water. He handed them to her and went back into the bathroom. 

She swallowed the pills, drinking all the water. She looked as Mulder came out of the bathroom with a towel and his hair brush. He took the cup from her and put it on the dresser. She looked at the towel and then him with a questioning look. 

“You shouldn’t go to sleep with wet hair,” he said as he lifted her hair and placed the towel around her shoulders. He spread it out on the towel and began to brush her hair with his brush. 

Tears pricked her eyes at the gentleness he was showing her. He had helped her earlier by taking the rubber band out of her hair. She was not able to wash it, it hurt too much to reach up, so she had only rinsed it. 

“You couldn’t wash it could you?” Mulder asked quietly as he hit a knot in her hair. She shook her head as tears slipped down her cheeks. He walked back into the bathroom and came back with a bottle in his hands. He opened the bottle and squeezed something in his hand. She was hit with the smell of Mulder as he rubbed his hands together and then began to run his fingers through her hair. 

He gently brought his fingers from the roots to the ends, getting the conditioner through to make brushing her hair easier. 

“Samantha’s hair was long and wavy,” he said softly as he took one last run through. He rubbed his hands together to dry them before picking up the brush again. This time the brush went through smoothly. He smiled. “My mom used to spray that stuff in her hair, the tangle stuff? It smelled good and worked well, I figured the conditioner would work the same as that stuff did,” he explained as he kept slowly brushing. He chuckled. “Samantha hated sitting still long enough for my mom to brush it. She wanted to be **doing** something. But, there she would sit, with my mother, having her hair sprayed and brushed, after every bath.” He finished with her hair and grabbed the edge of the towel hanging down her back. 

He squeezed the ends of her hair, getting out the excess water. Then he lightly rubbed her hair trying to dry it as much as possible with a threadbare motel towel. “I don’t know how to do that hair wrap thing you do, or I would do that for you.” He had seen her with her hair wrapped in a towel many times over the past year. It always amused him how women just knew how to do those kinds of things. 

“This is fine Mulder, it will be okay,” she said with a slur in her words. 

Good, he thought, the medication is working. She needed to sleep. He rubbed her hair a bit more then took the towel off her shoulders and tossed it on a chair. Her head was beginning to fall forward. He stepped back, but worried she might fall completely forward. He put his fingers under her chin, his mind flashing to earlier when he needed reassurance that she was aware he was there and she was safe. 

She lifted her head but barely. She had trouble focusing her eyes on him, they felt so heavy. “I’m tired, Mulder,” she said as her head fell back this time. “So tired. I need to.. to.. lay down.” He would have made a joke if he had not wanted to cry looking at her scratched up face. 

He helped her stand up, putting an arm around her shoulders and one around her waist. He walked her to the right side of the bed and holding her up with one hand, he pulled the covers back. He sat her down and helped her lie back. He pulled her legs up and put them under the blankets. As she started to relax into the bed, he remembered the cream. He went to the bag and got the antibiotic cream for her face. 

He turned her body toward him and put some cream on every scratch or burn he saw. She hummed and said his name, then started breathing heavily. He smiled and stared at her. A few seconds later, her eyes flew open and she gasped. Her arms flew out grabbing at something. His heart jumped, but he grabbed her hands, holding them in his, speaking to her in a low voice. 

Her eyes focused on him, then she closed them again. His heart began to slow down as he stood up and put the cream back in the bag. 

“Mulder,” her voice called to him softly. 

“I’m here, Scully.” He said, going to her again. 

“Mulder.. don’t leave me. I need.. can you.. will you hold me?” She said in such a lost voice, he knew he could never refuse. 

So he did not. He shed some layers, got into bed with her, held her tightly and whispered in her ear that he was there. She was asleep within minutes. 

Scully, sitting in her bathroom, remembered now that it was not the last time it happened. Twice more he had held her when she had felt rocked to her very core. After Allentown, he had brought her home and she asked him to stay with her. As they laid there, she had cried as he held her. He told her how sorry he was that Penny had died. They did not discuss her own cancer. It would have meant discussing how sick she would become. Neither of them could face that, especially not that night. It was enough to held and be held, at least in that moment. 

After Padgett and Naciamento, who was there but not, she had been terrified. She put a hand on her chest remembering how she had felt in that moment. He had pushed her back in the room and had her down on the ground so fast. She had no chance against him. He had reached inside her. She could still feel his fingers, the pain of his hand pushing through her chest, squeezing around her heart. 

When she had opened her eyes and saw Mulder there, she had been startled. Seeing it was him, she broke down. She had pulled him to her, alive, needing to feel him, to know that he was there. She had dug her fingernails into him, trying to bring him into her, to feel her pain, to alleviate her heartache. The physical ache in her heart was still there, but his arms around her, his voice, his scent, his weight on her, was the balm she needed to fix it. She was alive. 

That night, after he had taken her home, she pulled him by the hand into her room. She did not ask him to stay, not with words, but by the desperate way she did not let him go. 

She had taken off her shirt, not caring that he saw her undressed. She was shaking, the shock had finally hit her. She pulled a long sleeved shirt on, not worrying about a shower. She pulled her covers back and pulled him towards the bed. Once they climbed in, she held him as if her life depended on it. Desperately clinging to him. Her fingernails digging into his neck, crying out her fear, curving her body against him. He never pulled away, but held her close, trying to keep her safe from the bad dreams that would surely come. 

“Scully?” Mulder called softly as he knocked on the bathroom door, pulling her from her memories of the past. “You okay? You’ve been in there awhile.” 

“I’m okay, Mulder. I’ll be out in a second,” she called back. She reached to flush the toilet then realized she needed to go after all. She finished up, washing her hands and splashing water on her face. 

She took a breath then walked back into her room. Mulder was sitting on the bed facing her, his fingers laced together. He looked at her, trying to see if she was truly “okay” as she claimed. 

She smiled shyly at him and stopped in front of where he sat, not sure what to say. 

He stood up and looked at her, asking with his eyes, how to proceed from there. She glanced at the bed and he gave a slight nod. He walked around to the opposite side again and slid back into the bed. She followed and soon they were both under the covers, lying on their backs. 

He had his arms lying out on top of the covers. He stealthily felt to see if her hand was out as well. When his pinky touched her hand, she jumped. He left his hand there, letting her know it was there if she needed it. He did not have to wait long before she brought her hand back to his and their fingers locked together. 

He let out a breath and relaxed. He rubbed her hand with his thumb and listened to her breathing. 

“I didn’t tell my mother,” she said in the darkness, startling him for a second. “Do you think I should have? Or I should tell her now?” 

“It’s your decision, Scully. You said she was upset for you when you told her you couldn’t conceive. So, I would say it’s completely up to you, if you wanted to tell her.” 

She does not say anything, but she squeezed his hand, silently thanking him. He squeezed back and they were quiet for awhile. Their breathing falling into the same rhythm, the only sound in the room. 

“Thank you, Mulder,” she said quietly, her voice a little shaky. “Thank you for helping me at least try. I wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else.” She gripped his hand and closed her eyes. 

“Not even Sheriff “Buck Teeth” Hartwell?” He asked with faux seriousness in his voice. 

She laughed, her body shaking the bed. She turned her head and looked at him. His face was set in an inquisitive look. “Before or after, I found out he was a vampire?” She asked a smile playing across her lips and lighting up her eyes. 

“Jesus, I would hope before. You decide that his cheekbones and facial structure are worth it, while overlooking the fact that he would exsanguinate cows **and** people.. I don’t know Scully, might be time to rethink your priorities,” he says while looking at her in mock disbelief. 

She smiled wider and shook her head. Leave it to Mulder to make her laugh when she had been close to tears yet again. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. She chuckled again turned on her side and faced him, never letting go of his hand. 

“While he would have been a horrible choice for a father, you have to admit he did **not** have buck teeth. You saw that for yourself when we flew back,” she said raising her eyebrows at him. 

“I don’t know, Scully. Considering the whole RV park fled from the area, I wouldn’t **stake** your reputation on that recollection. You might find yourself **coffin** on words you can’t take back.” He tried not to smile at his own terrible joke, but he couldn’t stop it. 

“Mulder,” she said with a warning tone in her voice, but a smile beginning to tug at her lips. 

“I’m serious, Scully. It would be a **bloody** shame if we were never able to solve this disagreement. Maybe one day we’ll get a **bite** and find out where all those people disappeared to.” His smile was huge now and she groaned as she lay her head on his shoulder. 

“They blend in, Scully, so they could be a **cross** town, or they could have simply vanished. Either way it really **sucks** that we have this hanging over us,” he said, laughter bubbling up, shaking his shoulders, and thus shaking Scully. She lifted her head and looked at him. 

“Are you done? You get it all out of your system?” She tried to appear stern, but his smile and laugh made her break down too. Pretty soon they were both laughing. 

She put her head back on his shoulder, smiling still, but all of a sudden, she was incredibly exhausted. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He squeezed her hand and laid his head against hers. 

“One more?” He asked. She sighed, knowing he wouldn’t rest until he told tell her his corny joke. 

“Let’s hear it then,” she said as she shuffled around a bit. He let go of her hand and she made a disapproving noise. He lifted his arm up and around her, allowing her to cuddle more in to his side. She put her head on his chest then put her hand around his waist. He rubbed his arm up and down hers, making her body tingle. 

“Well?” She asked him, trying to ignore the way she felt holding and being held like this while they were both awake and aware of what they were doing. This was not an “I almost lost you, again” hold. This was an “I am willingly in bed with my partner and I am offering comfort while acknowledging that holding you is very nice” kind of hold. Add the bonus, or curse, that his touch created fire on her skin even through her clothes..well, now she was in dangerous territory. Keep it light Dana, she told herself. 

He continued his light touch on her arm and she felt him chuckle, heard the deep vibrato with her ear against his chest. She shivered. This could spell trouble. Then he spoke and she knew it definitely could. 

“I was trying to figure out a way to incorporate **impale** , but now.. it seems somewhat inappropriate,” he said as his fingers caressed lightly but felt like he lit an inferno that was traveling all over her body. “Also it seems too much like **stake** , so it seems like cheating. I know there’s one more.” He sighed and was quiet at last. 

She felt on edge with him touching her like this, feeling him breathing, smelling him. It was the scent of her laundry, but she could smell him through the detergent and softener. Essence of Mulder.. god they should bottle that up and sell it. Women would go crazy for it. She took a deep breath, assaulting her senses with him one more time, then disentangled herself from him. She rolled onto her other side, facing away from him. 

“If I think of the last one, I’ll let you know,” he said conspiratorially, as if her sleep was dependent upon it. 

“I’m all a tingle,” she said with a sarcastic tone. 

He exhaled a “humph” and was quiet again. She was concerned she may have seemed to abrupt by pulling away and turning away from him. She did not want to seem ungrateful for everything he had done. She moved her foot under the covers and grazed his, her toes wiggling against the side of his foot. He moved his foot so their toes touched. Scully felt a burn of arousal in her stomach. She had not expected that reaction, and as he did it again, she felt it burn lower. 

She moved her foot, curling into herself. “Good night, Mulder,” she said, hoping her voice sounded normal to his ears because it did not to hers.  

“Good night, Scully,” he said and she felt him shift around. They stayed still for a few minutes and then she heard him softly snoring.  She took a breath and relaxed. Within minutes, she was asleep. 

Now, lying in her bed, the sun streaming through the window, she looked where Mulder had been sleeping. Where was he? She rolled over and put her head on the pillow. She took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. She changed her mind. She did not want anyone to make a cologne from his scent. The only one who should have the privilege to smell Essence of Mulder, was her. To have it permeate her pillow like this, to linger so strongly. Good god, she could drown in it and never hope to surface. 

She flopped back onto her back. She felt heavy and awkward. She knew she needed to get up and face the day. Staying in bed and thinking about last night, was sure to make her incredibly sad. The failed procedure was still pressing on her. No more chances. She felt the tears for what she lost and would never have, sitting so near the surface. Hanging on, unwillingly to allow her to cope. 

After Mulder’s brain sickness, Scully had felt the need to have a check up, make sure she was okay. It was a complete overhaul, including gynecology exams. When she found out for sure she could not conceive, for absolute certainty, she had felt broken. When Mulder had told her he had discovered her ova, she felt elated. She possibly had a chance. 

She had asked him to be her donor and she had been so nervous. Worried he would say no and their relationship would be strained. Of course, she did not need to worry. He agreed and they began the process. Scully was still worried that things would feel uncomfortable, so she kept an eye on him, seeing if he treated her differently. Everything was the same, normal. 

Then.. then they had kissed on New Year’s Eve. It had been sweet and she had felt butterflies from his lips on hers. Thoughts raced through her mind as to why he was kissing her- it was tradition, he felt he **had** to, or he felt awkward about her asking to be the donor and he wanted to prove he was fine. But then, the look on his face as he pulled back, his smile, his eyes..she could see he just **wanted** to kiss her. He desired to, felt a need, and it sparked something inside her. 

The way his eyes burned into hers, she wanted to grab him and run her tongue inside his mouth, feel his lips all along her throat, feel his hands running across her hips as he pulled her closer. Again.. if she had wanted an “out” she could have blamed the hormones. But she knew his lips pressed into hers, the feeling of him, was the only thing that made her heart pound. No amount of extra hormones would have changed the way she felt about him, the way she has felt about him for a long time. 

Adding onto her feelings about that kiss, and her feelings for him, lying in bed with Mulder after their pain had subsided, left her body tingling. Maybe she could blame the hormones she had taken for the IVF, but she knew it was not the reason. He made her pulse race, no extra hormones needed. 

She shook her head and growled, sitting up and pulling herself out of bed. She walked over to the closed bathroom door and knocked. 

“Mulder? Are you in there?” She listened but heard nothing. She opened the door and looked in, but he was not there. She turned around and walked to the kitchen. He was not there either. She wondered when he left and why. As she turned to head back to the bathroom, she saw a plate of food on the table. 

There was a bagel and a chocolate custard filled doughnut on a plate. A piece of sticky paper was stuck on a skewer. On it, in Mulder’s writing, it said “Choose wisely.” She grinned knowing exactly what he meant and why he wrote it. 

He had been looking around at her video collection a few months back. She had made a comment about not finding a video he would like in her collection. He had laughed sardonically and then gasped when he found _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_. He had looked at her wide eyed and took the tape out, heading for the VCR. She stopped him and reminded him they had work to do. She knew that it would not be just the movie that would halt work. He would want to discuss it, break it down. 

She had snapped her fingers and pointed at the paperwork on her table, raising her eyebrows. He had pouted, lip out and everything. She shook her head and he set the movie down and hung his head. They made plans to watch it later, but something always came up.  He had taken to saying “choose wisely” at random times since then, especially when it came to paperwork. He seemed to be implying that, if it was up to him, the wise choice would be to put it off until later. 

She looked at the two choices now and considered them. She knew which one she **should** take, but she also knew which one would taste better. Did she even have cream cheese? She walked to the refrigerator and opened the door to find a new box of cream cheese. “It’s real cream cheese. Not that light shit.” read a sticky note attached to the box. She grinned and felt her stomach flutter. God, she could kiss him. 

She closed the refrigerator and looked at the plate again. Fuck it, she thought as she grabbed the chocolate custard filled doughnut. They were her favorite kind and he knew it. He also knew she was not eating sugary foods anymore. What a shit..

As she grabbed the doughnut, she noticed something on the plate. It was a picture of the Templar Knight and Mulder had written, “You have chosen..wisely.” She laughed and out of curiosity, she lifted the bagel. It was a picture of Walter Donovan as a skeleton; his eyes gone, his hair gray and long. “You chose..poorly.” was written on this picture. She laughed again and shook her head. 

She set the bagel back down, put the doughnut in her mouth, and took a big bite. The custard was delicious as was the chocolate. She moaned at the sugary rush on her tastebuds. How could she give this up? 

She took another bite as she grabbed a plate and headed to the bathroom. She set the doughnut down on the plate and turned the water on for the shower. While she waited for it to warm up, she took another bite of the doughnut. God, this was so good. Bless that man. 

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes looked tired, but a shower would help. She reached for the doughnut again and something caught her eye. A folded piece of paper was propped up by her toothbrush. She picked it up. She laughed then rolled her eyes. 

“It would have been a **grave** mistake because he would have driven you **batty**. I **wood** **stake** my life on it. (I know..I used stake twice, Scully. There are only so many vampire puns that don’t involve stake.)”

She shook her head as she shoved the last bite of doughnut in her mouth. She took his note and put it on her dresser. She was still laughing as she undressed and got in the shower, letting yesterday wash away, and a new day begin. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this chapter. I love Mulder puns. He is so cute when he is proud of himself and Scully just rolls her eyes. “Dog gone. Dog gone. Doggone.” “Yeah, I got it.” I love them so much.
> 
> Also, the way I visualize Per Manum fitting in, after Sixth Extinction, she sees the doctor. Between Rush and Orison they try and it fails. She couldn’t be pregnant during Orison, that would have ended horribly. So.. that’s my thought on where it lies.


	3. Quests and Fortunes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Per Manum. Some lightheartedness after the sadness of the night before when the IVF failed.

Mulder stood outside Scully’s apartment with bags of food in his hands, as he waited for her to open the door. He had picked up a late lunch on his way over, intending to take full advantage of the day off and spend it with her.

The door opened and she seemed shocked to see him. She was in jeans and the softest, bluest sweater he had ever seen. He wanted to run his hands up and down her arms to see if it was as soft as he imagined. Her eyes were even bluer than normal and he felt like he could drown in them.

“Mulder? What are you doing here?” She asked, surprise in her tone.

“Well,” he said as he pushed past her and set the bags on the table. “I was home and thinking that some food would be nice. Then I thought you would probably be hungry by now after you ate..” he trailed off as he glanced at the plate that held the bagel and doughnut from earlier. Finding the bagel still remaining, he looked at her and grinned. “You chose wisely, I see.”

“Shut up,” she said as she closed the door and joined him at the table. She tried to hide her smile but she was not able to do so.

“So, what did you get for, what are we calling this, lunch?” She asked with a glance at the clock, as her stomach grumbled.

Oh, apparently it **had** been awhile since that doughnut. He grinned wider and she smiled back.

“I went to Sal’s and got you your regular and myself, a super delicious meal,” he said as he began to unpack the bags.

“Are you implying that my food is not delicious?” She asked him, staring at him with raised eyebrows. “And I doubt you got my order down. I don’t always get the same thing, you know.”

He scoffed. “Scully, that’s crap and you know it. Prepare to, once again, be amazed at my abilities,” he cracked his knuckles, rolled his neck, and took a deep breath.

“Thin sliced turkey on wheat bread, no mayo, light mustard, tomatoes, sprouts, pickle- on the side. Salad, vinaigrette dressing- also on the side. Croutons, in a bag so they don’t get soggy and lose their croutony crunch. Sparkling water, with a lemon wedge-in a container, on the side,” he said with a proud voice, as he pulled each item out of the bag and presented them to her. He stared at her, daring her to say he got it wrong.

She smiled at him, an adorable smile that he very rarely saw. He remembered her first smiling at him like that years ago, in Aubrey, Missouri, as she talked about his extreme hunches. His heart beat fast seeing it then and it damn near did cartwheels seeing it now. She nodded through her smile and began opening the containers that sat in front of her before sitting down.

He sat next to her and opened a container to reveal a super messy sandwich. Full of mayonnaise, mustard, ham, cheese, turkey, tomatoes, onions, lettuce- all on sourdough. He took a huge bite. She shook her head as she watched him chewing his food. He had mayo and mustard on his face. She reached over and wiped his mouth with a napkin and he grinned.

He licked his lips before he ate another giant bite. She continued staring at him as he ate like he had not seen food in years. She shook her head again and took a small bite of her food, as if to show him that people could be civil and not disgusting.

He watched her and grinned. “Your sandwich looks pretty good, you wanna switch?” He asked, offering the other half of his sandwich to her.

She eyed it suspiciously, but then agreed to **try** it only. He smiled. He knew that once she tasted it, she would not give it back. He just had to present it the right way.

She took a couple bites and then simply finished off the other half of his sandwich. He nodded knowingly at her and she stared back at him, narrowing her eyes. He wiped her face this time as she was sporting the remains of his sandwich.

He was left with her bland, boring sandwich, but he did not complain. He wanted her to eat and so he said nothing about the lack of taste and enjoyment her food brought him.

She ate her salad, but offered him half. He accepted and they squabbled and fought over the croutons, each trying to be the first to spear them with their forks. An odd grown up version of _Hungry Hungry Hippos._ Mulder chuckled as the jingle for that game from so many years ago, popped into his head.

“Scully, do you remember the _Hungry Hippos_ commercial?” He asked as he smiled at her.

She looked at him quizzically, then at the salad with its remaining croutons mostly on his side. She thought and then she looked up at him and grinned. ““ _Who will win? No one knows! Feed the hungry hip-hip-o’s!””_

They both laughed and he spun the salad container so that the croutons were within her reach. She looked at him and smiled her thanks as he cleaned up the trash from their meal and then pulled the last item out of the bag.

Sal’s sandwiches were the best in the city, so Mulder thought. It was a small little deli type place, owned by Sal, his wife and their three sons. All the bread was made on site every day and thus the sandwiches were extremely delicious. The lines out the door were proof of it. However, nothing compared to the desserts his wife made.

Cakes, brownies, cookies, all made inside from scratch and with love. Sal’s wife, Sylvia, was a big bosomy, old world, Italian woman. Her apron was always full of flour and she pushed her treats on everyone who came in the shop.

“Life is to be enjoyed. Have a cookie, a brownie. I made them this morning. They are good. Eat!” She was always heard to say, her smile infectious.

Today, Mulder had splurged on the Brownie Supremo and her smile was worth the price he paid for it. She had wrapped it up for him carefully and thrown in a frosted sugar cookie, which he ate on the way to the car, the buttery sweetness melting on his tongue.

“You give this to your woman,” Sylvia had said. “She is too skinny. She needs some meat on her bones.”

He did not try to explain their relationship to her. He just nodded and grinned, taking the dessert from her and adding it to his bag.

He placed the brownie on the table and opened the lid. It was chocolate overload. Caramel and chocolate ran through together and Mulder felt his mouth water at the sight of it.

“Mmm.. Scully, Sylvia gave this to me today with strict instructions that you were to have some. So,” he said grabbing two forks from the bag, “unless you want to anger the sweetest Italian mother I know, I suggest you do as you were told.”

He held out a fork to her and waited. She looked exasperatedly at him, then down to the dessert. She looked at him again, and he pushed the fork closer to her. She sighed and grabbed it from him.

He grinned and motioned for her to take the first bite. She sighed again and dug her fork into the brownie. The chocolate and caramel practically created a river inside the container. She got a bite on her fork and the caramel stretched with it, stringing across the table. She put the fork in her mouth and her eyes rolled back in her head as the first taste of chocolate hit her tongue.

She moaned as she chewed and Mulder was mesmerized watching her. He knew it was wrong to find her eating arousing, but shit, it was. Her moans and her eyes closing like that, made him think things he should not be thinking. He took a bite to cover his emotions. 

“Oh my god,” he moaned, as the caramel and chocolate merged in his mouth. “That is goddamn delicious.” He took another bite and closed his eyes just as she had.

Between the two of them, the brownie was gone in no time at all. She was running her finger inside the container and licking off the remnants, when he asked if she would like a spoon, or a straw. She told him to shut up and she sucked her finger into her mouth, causing him to clear his throat and look away.

After they had cleared everything up and the kitchen was back to Scully’s neat and tidy order, Mulder went into the living room. He was looking at the movies again and he smiled when he grabbed the one he wanted. He took it out and put it in the VCR, took off his coat, and settled down on the couch with the remote.

“Scully come over here,” he said, patting the couch. “No paperwork today, time off work,  means movies in the middle of the day.” He grinned at her as she walked over and sat next to him.

“Mulder.. what movie are we..” and then she heard and saw it. _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade._

She looked at him and she smiled, brought her legs up under her cross legged, and nodded. He grinned like a fool.

For the next few hours, they watched the movie, saying lines they knew, discussing parts they liked best, parts that bothered them and characters they loved most. They paused the movie a lot to have in depth discussions and Mulder found her contributions to be incredibly intellectually arousing.

He discovered that Scully had a soft spot for both Marcus Brody and Sallah. She loved Marcus because he was oblivious and a lovable dolt. Sallah because he was such a sweet guy. He was always looking out for Indy and he was there when they needed him.

“Marcus though, Mulder, he gets lost in his own museum. How can you not find affection for a goof like him?” She asked, a big smile on her face. 

She did not care for Elsa. She rolled her eyes a lot when she was on screen. The fact that she slept with both Jones’ apparently back to back, got on her nerves.

“I get the appeal, for all parties, because..” she trailed off as he stared at her and paused the movie for a few minutes giving her his full attention while she explained herself.

She smiled so hard, her dimples showed and his near cartwheeling heart started doing backflips instead.

“Elsa is beautiful, there is no denying that, but there are better ways to get close to someone than sex. Of course, it is quicker but sex and trust do not a combination make. The two do not equal the other,” she said as he stared at her.

“Now, both Jones men are incredibly attractive, there is also no denying **that** , but falling for the honey pot just makes them appear simple. They are intelligent men, but put a pair of flirty boobs and blonde hair in front of them and it makes them seem like they are idiots.”

“”Flirty boobs,” Scully?” He asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

“You know what I mean, Mulder. So if she came to you and gave you the big eyes and the sad stories she tells, all while using her, yes “flirty boobs,” you’re telling me you wouldn’t fall for it?” She asked him with a twitch of her lips and a raised eyebrow.

He looked at her trying to gauge how far he could take his answer. How far he could go without pushing past that line they seemed to be unable or unwilling to cross.

“Nah..” he said finally, looking at the screen frozen on Elsa’s face. “They send in the blonde bombshells and you know it’s a trap. I’ve watched enough spy movies to know **that** much.”

She nodded, happy with his answer.

“Anyway, she’s not my type,” he said ready to unpause the movie.

“She’s not!” He said at her silent, side eyed expression. “I like women with regular boobs, thank you. Flirty ones seem like too much work, and how would you ever buy lingerie as a gift for someone that has them?”

She laughed so hard at that comment, he waited until she was quiet to start the movie again.

When Henry was shot, he heard her take a breath and look away for a second. He understood what she was not saying. The Nazis wanted Indy’s help and he was not willing to give it. They hurt someone he loved as incentive so he would do what they wanted. How many times had he and Scully been in the same situation? How many times had Scully suffered because of him?

“Oh, this is my favorite part,” she said, her eyes back on the screen, the tense moment seemingly passed. Indy was about to perform his tests of worthiness.

Instead of watching the movie, he covertly watched her. Her rapt attention to the movie, the way she mumbled the lines, her expressions as she did. Watching her enjoy something he loved made him immensely happy. Seeing her lose herself in a movie, one that was somewhat scientific if still fictional, made him even happier. The need to be intellectually stimulated while also being entertained was so Scully.

She was leaning forward, her hands clasped together as Indy was taking his leap of faith. She smiled as he stepped out and his foot hit the pathway. She looked at Mulder and saw he was staring at her.

“What?” She asked him, surprised to find him looking at her so intently.

“Nothing,” he answered.

She gave him a look, but then turned back to the movie. He did too, not wanting to get caught staring again.

Elsa and Donovan were in the small temple with Indy and the Knight, trying to find the grail. Elsa asked to pick the grail and Scully scoffed at her choice and then sighed. Mulder grinned at her.

“Oh Donovan..” Scully said. “See? He fell for it. Believed she was right when she handed him that cup. What a damn fool. Jesus was not ostentatious. He was a simple carpenter. People go for the flash and bang, they end up disappointed. Flirty boobs, Mulder. I’m telling you,” she said with an overly dramatic shake of her head.

He chuckled as he watched Donovan drink from the deceitful chalice. Unknown to him that Elsa tricked him.

“See, that’s why it’s good you didn’t choose the bagel this morning.” He told her as they watched Donovan disintegrate before their eyes. She smiled at him.

The correct cup was chosen and Scully smiled. “That’s the cup of a carpenter” she said along with Indy. Henry’s bullet wound was healed by the power of the grail. Here again, they had to pause the movie for awhile as they discussed what happened to the bullet in his stomach. Did it dissolve or would he live with a bullet in him forever? Or was it as if the whole thing never even happened? Mulder said they should open an x-file and she laughed.

They both then laughed over the similar situations of Elsa and Indy trying to reach the grail as the temple was crashing down.

The movie ended as it should with good conquering evil. The last living Knight could finally lay down his sword and be at peace. Mulder turned the movie off and asked her for her five top moments and he would tell her his.

She smiled and said, “The leap of faith, the “everything is on fire” scene, the boat fight, the misspelling of Jehovah, and X marks the spot.” She raised her eyebrows and waited.

He grinned at her and pretended to think for a bit until she shoved him. He laughed. “Okay, okay. The tapestries, the Ming vase, the room is on fire, the walk through the catacombs, and when Henry is saved.”

She nodded and accepted his answer. She got up and stretched, yawning as she did. He tried not to notice her body as she stretched, but Jesus, a man could only be so strong.  

“Should we order some Chinese food?” He asked as he got up as well, forcing his mind off of what it was thinking. He had his phone out ready to dial.

“Mulder, are you really hungry? It’s only been,” she looked at her watch. “Four and a half hours! Oh my god..” she shook her head and looked at him.

“Think of all the stimulating conversation we had though, Scully,” he said, dialing the number to Wong’s Palace, the place they always ordered from.

“I’m going to take a bath,” she said as she turned to walk away.

“You don’t want anything?” He asked as the phone started ringing. “Broc-“

“Broccoli beef sounds okay, I suppose,” she realized he was already saying it, when she finished. She smiled and he grinned back as he ordered their food and she headed toward the bathroom.

“Hey, Scully,” he said, taking a few steps toward her, as he ended the call. She raised her eyebrows as she stood in the bathroom doorway. “There is a documentary on about Bigfoot and some new footage that has apparently come to light. Do you want me to tape it for you? It’s on right now and..” he stopped talking at the look on her face.

“Okay, okay,” he said with his hands up and a smile on his face.

She walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

“Hey, Scully,” he said again, to the closed door. 

“Yes, Mulder, I’m sure,” she said before he heard the water start running.

He laughed and walked back to the couch to watch the show.

A while later, dinner had been eaten while Mulder had regaled her with the things she had missed in the documentary. She stared at him, sighed, and rolled her eyes just as he had thought she would.

She walked past him when they had finished, putting away the leftovers, and he got a whiff of her bubble bath. She smelled so good, like jasmine. He remembered her telling him how much she loved that smell. He understood why. She smelled like spring and summer. Warm and light.

Her house phone rang and she looked at him in surprise. She answered it and he heard her mother’s voice through the phone. Mulder heard the one sided conversation, but did not pay much attention until he heard his name.

“Mulder? I don’t think he could make lunch tomorrow, Mom. Yeah, he has plans, I think. Sure, I could ask him. Now? But we’re on the phone, I’ll call him later. What? What makes you think..? Okay..” she sighed, covered the phone, and looked at him. “Would you like to join me and my mother for lunch tomorrow?” She stared at him and shook her head.

He nodded at her and she waited a beat. “Yeah, mom he won’t be able to join us. I know. I will. Yes, tomorrow at 1:30. I’ll see you there. Love you too. Bye.”

She hung up the phone and closed her eyes.

“You okay?” He asked her, knowing what she was thinking about. To tell her mother or not about the IVF. “Hey. Scully,” he said quietly, touching her hand. “I can be there if you like, take some of the pressure off. Your mom likes me. I could be your wingman.”

She smiled slightly at him and squeezed his hand in response. “Thank you, Mulder, but I’ll be okay. Not sure if I’ll even tell her yet, but.. it.. it would be easier if it was just me and her.” She nodded at him and he squeezed her hand in support.

She let go of his hand and she turned toward her room. He watched her start to leave, wishing he could ease the pain she was feeling.

“Scully! Wait. You didn’t get your fortune cookie,” he grabbed it and walked over to her.

She sighed as he handed it to her and, not meeting his eyes, she walked into her room, closing the door softly behind her.

He stood there with his own cookie in his hand, staring at her closed door. Not sure if he should stay or go, he stood there, waiting.

Her door opened and she had two pillows and a blanket in her arms. She met his eyes and he got his answer. Her silent question asking him to stay. He nodded at her as he watched her set the things on the couch.

She walked past him again and quietly said goodnight, before returning to her room, and shutting the door.

He stood still for a few more seconds before shaking out of his thoughts. He felt the cookie digging into his palm and he cracked it open, popping the cookie in his mouth as he read his fortune.

“You will follow your path to what your heart desires.”

He felt the air go out of his lungs as he looked at her door again. His heart's desire lay on the other side of it. His heart pounded as he read the words again. He sighed and shook his head sadly. Now was not the time, he was sure of it, but he would hold onto this fortune and one day he knew, he would give it to her.

The cookie in his mouth felt like clay and he had a hard time swallowing it past the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. He put the scrap of paper in his wallet and went to the bathroom.

The toothbrush he used the night before was still there. He liked seeing it there, like it belonged there next to hers. He sighed and shook his head as he grabbed it and the toothpaste. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, used the toilet, and washed his hands before heading back to the couch.

He turned most of the lights out, leaving the room in a soft glow. He took off his jeans, outer shirt, and his shoes, laying the clothes on a chair. He adjusted the pillows and stretched out on the couch. He covered up and then turned on his side to watch the television, the volume turned down low.

He slid a hand between the pillows and felt something scratchy. He pulled it out and saw it was a fortune cookie paper. Scully’s fortune. He got up, turned the light on over the kitchen table, and read her fortune.

“Your journey will reward you with the answers you seek.”

He grinned and looked at her door again. He looked down at the fortune again and imagined her reading this and if she thought of the same thing he did. About the movie they watched tonight and how it seemed to pertain to them on many levels.

He turned off the light, put her fortune next to his in his wallet, then lay back down on the couch. He thought of what Henry had said at the end of the movie. That Elsa never believed in the grail, but saw it as a prize to be won, and that was ultimately her downfall.

Mulder thought of Scully. She may not believe, just as Elsa had not. In things like ghosts, sea monsters, vampires, or Bigfoot, but she respected the journey. She was there by his side no matter the outcome. She was not on this journey to win a prize. She believed in him and his quest to find the truth.

He laughed quietly and shook his head at the thought that they must have gotten each other’s fortunes, but then he sobered. No. As usual the universe seemed to give them what they both needed to hear.

She needed to hear that the crazy journey she was on would eventually be fruitful. He needed to hear that the quest was not what was most important. To stop. To get out of the damn car. Take a chance and get off the crazy ride.

He lay on his back and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He could feel a change in them. Not just with the IVF, but **them**. Something was coming and he knew it was going to be a step forward, a step for good. His backflipping heart settled and he took deep breaths. They could not stand in one place for much longer. A change was in the air, so much so, the universe seemed to feel it.

Soon, he thought, as he surrendered to sleep. Soon.

 

  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was so much fun to write. The two of them sharing a fun cute day together. No stress, no running off to the ends of the Earth. A normal day shared between friends. It is what they deserve.


	4. Love and Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Scully have a much needed conversation about love and faith.

Scully and Maggie had enjoyed a wonderful lunch. They had caught up on things happening in each other’s lives and enjoyed a good meal. Maggie was volunteering at her church, helping with food drives, donations, whatever was needed to be done. She was proud of the work she was doing and Scully could see the happiness it brought her.

After they had eaten, Maggie had suggested strolling around the nearby shops and Scully had agreed. They looked at knickknacks and clothing items, trying on some and getting a laugh out of the others choices. Maggie tried on a huge sun hat and they both collapsed in a fit of giggles when the shopgirl insisted the hat was exactly what Maggie needed. At the look of scorn from her, they quickly exited the shop still laughing, their arms linked together.

They each bought a cup of coffee from a nearby stand and Scully suggested sitting on a bench to enjoy it. She was working up the courage to tell her mother about the IVF and she felt the bench was a good place.

They had a view of the pond in the center of the park. People were gathered around the water, meeting up with friends, feeding the ducks, or having a hurried late lunch outside. No one paid them any attention. Scully took a deep breath and turned to her mother.

“Mom, I need to talk to you about something,” she began, her nerves shaking, but her voice steady.

“Hmm? What is it honey?” Maggie asked as she smiled, watching a little boy feeding the ducks.

“It’s.. it’s something I need to explain and hope you will understand,” Scully said, keeping her eyes on her mother.

Maggie seemed to hear the tone Scully was using and she turned toward her. She was searching Scully’s face, and Scully could see panic written across it.

“It’s not the cancer, Mom,” Scully said quickly, grabbing Maggie’s hand and squeezing it tight. 

“Oh, thank God!” Maggie said as she lowered her head and closed her eyes. She brought Scully’s hand up to her face and kissed the back of her hand, tears in her eyes.

“Mom, I’m okay,” Scully said with tears in her own eyes. “It isn’t that, but it’s something else. And I just need you to listen, okay? Just.. let me explain before you ask any questions. I know it will be tough, but.. I.. please?” She asked, knowing this would be incredibly hard to explain.

“Okay, honey,” she let go of Scully’s hand and laced her fingers together, holding her coffee cup in her lap, between her legs.

Scully sighed deeply and closed her eyes. “When I was taken and missing for so long, there were some…tests done on me that left me unable to conceive. Some..things that happened that I myself don’t fully understand the how or the why. I don’t have the answers to questions I know you will have, because I can’t find the answers myself. But..it happened and it’s in the past. It can’t be changed now,” she said, opening her eyes. She was not sure who she was trying to convince, her mother or herself.

“A while back.. Mulder.. he.. he found some of my ova they took, stored in a facility. Mom.. please,” she begged at Maggie’s outcry. “Just.. I know you have questions, just let me explain as best I can, okay?”

Scully looked at her mom and saw fear, hurt, and anger there. She was not sure if it was directed at her or the people who hurt her.

“I didn’t know until recently that he had found them. I was ill, and then it took awhile to get back to myself. Then cases, one of us was always hurt somehow, then he was really ill and.. time just.. it got away from us,” she said quietly, her eyes looking at her coffee lid.

“I knew I couldn’t have children, knew from tests I had done and I had told you already. Mulder had been ill recently and it got me thinking about my own heath. I decided I wanted a second opinion, just for my own peace of mind. To be one hundred percent sure. I found a doctor who did a very thorough exam and it was a definite “no” from her as well. I knew it would be, but it still broke my heart hearing the news,” she said as she looked at a new family feeding the ducks, the baby squealing in delight.

“I went into work after finding out the results and Mulder could tell something was on my mind. I told him about the doctor’s appointment and he hesitantly admitted that he had found the ova and had been storing mine at a different facility for almost two years. The doctor there told him they weren’t viable.. but he kept them there anyway,” she felt tears spill down her cheeks and she had not even known she was crying.

Thinking of him holding onto her eggs even when he knew they were not viable, made her heart ache. As if he did not want to give up hope that **maybe** was still an option. Mulder the optimist, keeper of hope.

“I took the ova to a different doctor, a geneticist and had them tested. The doctor I saw was optimistic that some **were** viable and I could possibly use them.”

“Dana, that’s wonderful!” Maggie said, forgetting that she was supposed to wait. “A chance to have a child? I’m so happy for you.” Her eyes were shining and full of hope.

Seeing the look on Scully’s face, her face fell. “Oh, sweetheart,” she breathed, tears filling her eyes.

“I found out two days ago. The implantation didn’t work,” her face was set and she tried not to cry.

One touch of her mother’s hand though, and the dam broke. She dropped her head to her mother’s shoulder and cried out her pain. Her coffee cup slipped out of her hand and fell to the ground, as she clung to her mother and wept. Her mother’s cries mixed with hers and together they held onto each other.

Scully sat up after a bit and Maggie wiped her tears as she had when she was a child. She looked in her mother’s eyes and saw the love she always did, but also sadness.

“Dana,” her mother said quietly, holding Scully’s face in her hands. “I don’t fully understand all that you are telling me. I know there are aspects of your job that you have kept hidden, that you must continue to  keep hidden. I realize it’s for safety, I do. As much as I want to understand everything, I know I never will,” she shook her head, as tears spilled down her cheeks. “But..Dana.. it’s not right! It’s disgusting if you’re saying they violated your body. I..I’m not.. they hurt my little girl and that is not.. it breaks my heart. My girl needed help and.. I.. Fox..we.,” Scully’s eyes fill with tears and Maggie holds her again, both of them weeping.

“I don’t understand it, Dana. I never will, but I am so sorry for what happened to you. Sorry for what was taken without your knowledge or consent. That you were hurt and alone, and I couldn’t do anything to help. I would have fought every one of them for hurting you,” Maggie said as she stroked Scully’s hair.

Scully sat up with a crying laugh. “I know you would have, Mom. I would have liked to have seen that. They would have met their match with Margaret Scully,” she said with tears in her voice and a watery smile.

Maggie answered with one of her own and wiped Scully’s face again. Scully closed her eyes and let her mother take care of her. She was always so strong, but sometimes she wanted to crawl in her mother’s lap and let her worries go. Let her mother hold her and take her burdens from her.

Scully shifted and rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. She reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. She took deep breaths punctuated by occasional sobs. The wind blew and she felt it calm her. She loved the peaceful feeling the wind created in her.

They were quiet for awhile, sitting in the sunshine and feeling the breeze. Finally, Maggie quietly spoke up.

“You said the implantation didn’t work? You only had the eggs, the ova. You.. you found a donor? Did the doctor you saw provide that or did you have to..” she trailed off, realization dawning. “You asked Fox, didn’t you?”

Scully squirmed against her mother and let go of her hand. She sat forward and put her head in her hands. Although he had agreed, and the procedure was done, she still felt that stomach ache feeling she had when she asked him. How she had felt almost dizzy and faint. The pacing she had done around her apartment as she waited for him to come over with his answer. Her stomach jumping at every creak, thinking it was him.

Then, the fear and disappointment she felt when she thought he was refusing her request. Politely turning her down because he did not want it to change their friendship. How her heart had dropped to her stomach and her stomach dropped to the floor. She was frozen but tried to act as though she was not devastated.

“ _The answer is “yes.””_

Those words ring in her ears, his shy smile burned into her brain. The relief she felt, the joy, elation, surprise, thankfulness, and oh.. the love. She felt such love and hopefulness as he held her and she tried not to break down in tears. That came later. When the door had closed and he left, she had fallen to the floor and wept.

“I did ask him, Mom,” she said with her head in her hands. “I was so nervous, certain he would say no and then we would still have to face each other every day. That it would be a.. a.. thing hanging over us forever and cause a problem.”

“But of course he said yes,” Maggie said in a knowing tone. “Did you really doubt he would say no? To you?” She asked, looking at Scully with a kind smile.

Scully stared at her in shock and Maggie laughed softly. “Dana,” she shook her head, pushing Scully’s hair back and kissing her forehead before looking in her eyes. “He loves you.”

Scully pulled back and opened her mouth to tell her mother that it was not like that with them.

“Dana,” Maggie said, looking at her with such love in her eyes. “He loves you. You can take that in whatever context you want, but he does, I’ve seen it. When you were gone..” she shook her head and looked down at her lap. “I’ve never seen a person so broken, so empty. He was.. lost and suffering. When you came back, he had to be physically dragged out of the hospital room, he was causing such a scene.”

“I know, Mom, you’ve told me that before. That doesn’t mean-“

“Dana,” she said with more force, looking in Scully’s eyes. “You may not want to hear it or accept it, you may not be ready, but it’s the truth. **In** love? Only Fox could tell you his heart. But if he is or not, it’s still love. And honey, he has **loved** you for a long time. Dana, can you honestly tell me you don’t feel the same for him?”

Scully stared at her and felt her heart pounding. Of course she cared for him, he was the most important person in her life. Her best friend, her touchstone, her constant. Jesus, he was everything to her. How could she explain their relationship to her mother when she could hardly understand it at times herself?

Maggie held her gaze and smiled. “He came out to California at Christmas years ago when you called him. No hesitation. Came to my house looking for you when you were hallucinating things that were untrue, knowing the state you were in, risking his own life. He could have sent an officer over, anyone else, but he came because he knew you trusted him and he wanted to help you.”

“He’s my partner,” Scully whispered, tears swimming in her eyes.

“Yes, my darling girl, he is. And he loves you and cares for you greatly. I think everyone sees how much, but you,” Maggie said gently as she held Scully’s hand. “I think you feel the same for him, but you’re afraid to tell him or show him, or to even tell yourself. I’m not telling you anything other than to just.. just be aware of it. Be aware of the love he has for you. I’m sure he has his flaws, but he is.. he is a wonderful man and knowing he is with you helps me sleep better at night. Knowing you are not alone and you have someone who would go to the ends of the earth for you,” she held Scully’s face again as she smiled at her. “Literally. The ends of the earth.”

Scully’s face crumbled and Maggie held her to her again. She cried out her fears, her anxiety, and then the tears became ones of realization. Of course she loved him. God, she had for a long time. Longer than she wanted to actually admit, but it was there. Just below the surface, where it always needed to stay.

But what if it did not have to stay there? What if she told him? What if she **had** told him when she stood at his apartment doorway and heard his words of love to her? Because, god, it was what they were. Words of love whispered to each other without saying the actual words.

_“Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant. My touchstone.”_

Those words entered her soul and traveled to her heart. They made her pulse race, her lungs lose their oxygen. She had missed him, had ached for him when he was gone. She had been so scared she would never find him.

_“And you are mine.”_

Such a mediocre response to the beautiful things he said. It was all she could think to say without letting her heart out and leaving it in his hands. She had wanted to kiss him so badly. To push him back into his apartment and kiss away both of their pain. To forget how sad and scared she had been in her search for him. To feel his arms around her as they learned the ways of each other’s bodies.

She had to force herself to walk away from him. Before she did more than trail her fingers across his lips. To leave before she let him see her truth. How her love for him threatened to choke her sometimes.

So she had left. Leaving behind a piece of her heart in his doorway. One day, she knew, all the pieces she had left or lost because of her fear, would find their way back and she would be able to present her heart to him. Patched up and a bit of a mess, but his, if he would accept it.

Yes. She loved him. And it terrified her.

She pulled back from her mother again and dried her eyes. She leaned back and they sat in silence for a little while. Both thinking of the words the other had said. Maggie began quietly humming a song she used to sing when Scully was younger and it made her smile to hear it. She closed her eyes, rested her head on her mother’s shoulder and breathed deeply.

They sat for a bit longer and then walked back to Maggie’s car. They hugged goodbye and as Maggie pulled back she kissed Scully’s cheek and whispered, “Don’t give up on a miracle.”

Scully exhaled and looked at her mother in surprise. “Mulder said almost the same exact thing..”

“Smart man then,” Maggie said with a smile.

Scully shook her head. “No, Mom. There will be no miracle this time. There isn’t a chance for one.”

“You have to have faith, Dana,” Maggie said looking in her eyes.

“Faith..” Scully said, shaking her head, anger in her eyes. “It’s hard to have faith when shit gets piled on you repeatedly. When your hopes get shot down at every turn.”

“Dana, that’s when you need faith the most. To trust your problems to God. To leave it in His hands and trust that He will do what is right. Even if **we** don’t think the answer is the right one, we keep faith,” Maggie said as she touched Scully’s cross necklace.

Scully nodded but said nothing. She did not share her mother’s feelings of faith right now, but she respected her words. She pulled her mother in for another hug. She held her tight and tried to absorb some of her positivity and faith by osmosis.

“Thank you, Mom. I’ll try. That’s all I can promise right now, to try. I’m sorry for swearing,” Scully said as she held her mother.

Maggie laughed and pulled back. “Forgiven,” she opened her car door. “I’ll talk to you later, honey. Take care of yourself and give Fox my love.”

She got in the car and started it up. She rolled her window down, “I’ll be praying for you, Dana. Both of you.”

“Thank you, Mom. I’ll let you know how Mulder feels about that the next time we talk,” Scully said with a playful smile.

Maggie laughed and reached for her hand. Scully grabbed it and squeezed. “I love you, Dana.”

“Love you too.”

Scully watched her drive away and she sighed. So many emotions swirling around in her head, her heart. She needed to walk for a bit to clear her thoughts.

She stuck to the path around the pond for awhile, then ventured into the park and sat on the grass. She leaned back and then lay all the way down as she looked up at the clouds in the sky. She sighed and then she laughed quietly. She thought of Mulder and how he would want to have a conversation about the clouds. Want to discuss the shape and what she thought of them as well. She sighed again, wishing he was there to fill the silence right now.

A church bell ringing cut into her thoughts. She sat up and saw a church through the trees at the edge of the park. She got up and headed toward it. It seemed her mother had already been praying.

She arrived at the small church as the bells stopped ringing. She pulled the heavy wooden door open and stepped inside. She stopped at the font holding the holy water and dipped her fingers in, crossing herself as she walked further inside.

The church was beautiful. Dark wood was used for the pews, rich red carpet adorned the floor, many stained glass windows were up near the altar. Statues of Jesus and the Virgin Mary sat tastefully within the vestibule. Candles were burning off to the side.

Scully felt immediately calmed when she walked down the aisle, kneeled a bow, and entered the pew. She closed her eyes and sat for a few minutes, letting the familiarity of church wash over her. Memories flooded in of countless hours spent at churches just like this one. She always felt the calming presence, no matter which one she visited.

“You aren’t here for the Mass are you?” A voice asked her.

Her eyes flew open and found an older man in a newsboy cap standing next to the pew, bent forward and looking at her intently.

“No,” she said with a small smile and then she glanced around. They were the only two people in the church. “Is there a Mass now?”

“Oh no, not anymore,” he said as he stood up straighter, but kept a hold on the pews. “Aye, there used to be, but not for awhile.”

Scully looked at him. He was dressed quite smartly and carried a cane. She also noticed the Scottish accent she had missed before. The roll of the r’s on his tongue.

“Do you mind if I sit? These old bones don’t get around as well as they used to,” he asked as he looked at her.

She smiled and slid over, allowing him to join her in the pew.

“I thank you Miss,” he said as he sat down, leaned his cane next to him, took off his cap and slid it through his fingers, round and round the edges.

He looked at her and smiled, which she returned. “Haven’t seen you here before,” he said to her, his kind smile still in place.

“No. I don’t frequent this church. I don’t live this way, but I was sitting in the park when I heard the bells. It’s beautiful in here. I’m glad I decided to come over,” Scully said as she looked up and around.

“Aye, it’s beautiful. Had the stained glass added about twenty five years ago. My wife was insistent on it and I’m glad of it now that she’s left us. Makes me feel close to her, as if she’s shining through the windows,” he said, smiling as he looked at the windows.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Did she pass recently?” Scully asked, looking at the windows herself.

“No,” he said with a sigh, looking down at his hat in his hands. “It’s been ten years, but also seems like yesterday. I miss her terribly. She was it for me. The one great love of my life. The one I was fated to love.” He smiled at Scully, his blue eyes twinkling.

Scully smiled back and felt a kinship to him. She could not explain it, but she felt as if she had been drawn to come here to speak to him. “Tell me about her,” she said kindly.

“Oh.. my Rosie-Rose she was called. She could light up a room with her smile. Her laugh was infectious and was the first thing I noticed about her,” he said with a far off look in his eyes. “I loved her laugh before I ever even saw her face. When I turned round and saw her, my heart stopped at the sight of her. I knew she was the one for me. Felt it my bones.”

He set his cap on the seat between them and knotted his hands together. “She was bold as brass, walked right up to me, and asked me to buy her a pint. See, we were in a pub. She had come to Scotland with some friends after she’d been all over Europe for a couple months. Scotland was their last stop before they came back home to America. We talked all night in that pub, but I never asked her name or where she was staying.”

Scully laughed quietly and he looked at her with a smile. “I know. I woke up in a sweat when I realized it. I was up at six that morning and went from hotel to hotel looking for her. I only had her description to go on so everyone had to listen to this crazy man looking for a brunette, about twenty, with flashing blue eyes and the most amazing laugh. Pretty vague description, especially when it didn’t do her justice.”

He sighed and smiled. “I had three more hotels to check when I walked into one and there she was, sitting and waiting. She looked at the clock and then looked at me. She told me I was half an hour late. As if we had made plans the night before and I had missed the time. I smiled and apologized to her. Said I would never keep her waiting again. She smiled and told me to see that I didn’t. I knew then and there, I would marry her. And two weeks later, I did.”

“Two weeks?” Scully said in surprise. “That’s quick.”

“Aye. It was. But I would have married her in two hours or two days. I told her as much later that same day and asked her to marry me the first time. She said she wanted to get to know me a bit better first. To be absolutely sure and so she needed **at least** a day. She told me to be sure and ask again the next day. I did and she acted surprised and threw her arms around me as if we had been dating for years and she had been waiting for that moment. I fell in love with her all over again,” he said with a deep chuckle.

Scully smiled and laughed quietly herself.

“We came back here and started our life together. It wasn’t always perfect, but god bless her, I loved her with all my heart,” he looked up to the ceiling and blew a kiss.

Scully felt tears in her eyes at the simple gesture. To be loved like that..

“About a year after we were married,” he began again. “We began to talk about having a family. Nothing had happened in a year and we didn’t know why. She went to the doctor and we found out.. she was unable to have a child,” he paused there, turning to Scully as she gasped.

She tried to discreetly wipe her tears as she turned her head. His hand came into her view and she saw he was handing her his handkerchief. She took it and wiped her eyes.

“Aye,” he said, letting her compose herself. “She was devastated. We both were. She stayed in bed for a month. Barely eating, hardly moving. I.. I didn’t know what to do for my love. I couldn’t change it and I felt helpless to help her. I held her as we both cried. I brought her her favorite foods. I sat with her and tried to make her laugh. But, she needed her time to grieve and.. I let her. I had to let her do what she needed to get better. I waited. Waited for my brassy, headstrong, self assured, tough girl to come back. She was there, the sadness just had a hold on her for a bit.”

Scully was quietly weeping into the handkerchief he gave her. It was as if he was describing exactly what Mulder had done for her. Waiting for her to come back from the doctor, staying with her, holding her, crying with her, leaving her a doughnut and a bagel, bringing lunch over and that delicious chocolate caramel brownie, watching a movie and then staying again. Waiting for her to come back. God.. she loved him so much in that moment it burned inside her.

“One day, the bedroom door burst open,” he continued. “She was dressed, face made up, hair done. She walked up to me at the table and stood there tall and straight as you please. She said to me “God’s will for me may be that I am unable to have children of my own, but it won’t shake my faith or stop me from being a mother. I will be one to the community. I will help in any way I can and I want to start now.” I never forgot those words or how I felt that day. My girl had come back to me,” he wiped tears from his eyes as Scully tried to calm her own tears.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Scully closed her eyes and let the scent of the church invade her senses. The wood, the candles burning, the Bibles, and the man next to her. He smelled of aftershave and laundry.

“We came to this church and she asked to see the priest. She told him her name and asked him to put her to work. And he did. I never saw a person more involved in everything. She helped with any kind of drive-food, clothing, collecting money. She was amazing. She had food whipped up for people who needed it, in what felt like five minutes. Our cupboards were always full of canned foods to make meals quick and get it where it needed to go,” he said in awe and with a shake of his head.

“We had to move house because there was always someone staying with us and we ran out of room. It might be a man, then a young woman, a whole family sometimes. People sleeping where they could find a spot, but they were together, and that was what mattered,” he said with a smile. “There were people stopping by at all hours. Sometimes it would be too much, but the love she had for them that I saw shining in her eyes, always made it worthwhile.”

He shifted in his seat and sighed. “She started not feeling well, not herself. We were older now, in our seventies, and figured it was the old age getting us, telling us to slow down. Only it wasn’t exactly that. My beautiful girl was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s,” he dropped his head into his hands and wept. Scully put her hand on his back and ran it up and down, as she cried with him.

The handkerchief he gave her was wet with her tears and she looked around desperately, hoping there was something, when she heard him blow his nose.

He sat back up and wiped his eyes with a different handkerchief. Seeing the look on her face, he smiled tremulously. “I learned long ago to always carry two handkerchiefs. You never know when someone might be in need of one.”

She smiled back and took her hand off his back. He reached for her hand and squeezed it. He did not let go and neither did she pull it away. They sat holding hands, in a church, grieving for separate things, but sharing the pain.

“We took a trip back to Scotland before she got too sick. Visited the old pub, renewed our vows, drank, and danced, and saw the greenest hills and the bluest skies you’ll ever see,” he took a deep breath. “I asked her, as we sat on a bench looking out over the sea, if she felt I failed her. With never having a child of our own. We could have adopted, but we didn’t. She said not one day did she regret the life we lived. She had raised twenty seven people, then helped those people raise fifteen more. She had clothed hundreds of people, feed thousands, cared for as many when they were sick or dying. She **was** a mother, a mother to many. They may not have been from her own body, but they were her family. Not by blood, but by bond. The bond of love.”

He squeezed Scully’s hand again and she squeezed back.

“She sounds like she was an amazing person. Someone I would have been honored to know. Your pride for her is so beautiful. She must have helped everyone in this community,” Scully said with a smile.

“Oh, aye. They all came to help when she needed it. They were there for her every need,” he said, nodding his head and smiling. “When she passed, there was a bit of a quarrel of pallbearers. Every man wanted to help. And oh.. they did. They formed a line in the walkway of the aisle of this church and out to the waiting car. They went slowly and each had a chance to carry her to her sleep. They had told the priest and me, they wanted the hands that had helped carry them, to now carry her.”

Scully let go of his hand and covered her face, weeping at the beauty of the story. She could picture this church packed with people who had come to say goodbye to a person they loved so much. She could see the men standing in the aisle as they helped to carry her, how truly beautiful it must have been.

She quieted down and blew her nose. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me about your Rosie. You don’t know how much your words have meant to me. To hear of such faith and care that it affected a whole community. I needed to hear that today. It seems like fate seemed to draw you to me.”

“Oh no, it was my Rosie. I don’t always get out and about, but this morning as I was praying and talking to her, I noticed the church program from last week. Then I heard a song we always sang. Rosie was the most beautiful piano player and singer. She played here every Sunday. Then my cane was nowhere to be seen and after I searched all over, I found it hanging on the coat rack with my cap on top. She was telling me I was needed at the church. Hard to argue with that logic now that I’ve met you,” he said with a kind smile.

Scully smiled back though tears still fell down her cheeks. She wiped them with the handkerchief, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“My name is Dana, by the way,” she said, putting out her hand.

“Dana,” he said taking her hand gently in both of his. “It is my pleasure to meet you. My name is Thomas. Thomas Reid.” She smiled at him as they shook hands.

“I’m not as good as her at the piano, but would you like to hear the song I heard this morning, the one Rosie and I sang?” He asked her.

Scully nodded and smiled wider than before. She helped him up from the pew and then walked beside him as he made his way to the piano. He kissed his fingers and touched the side where she saw a plaque had been placed. “In memory of Rosie Reid. Voice of an angel, heart of a mother. We love you.” She felt her eyes well up again, but kept them from falling. 

Thomas opened the piano cover and sat down on the bench. She sat next to him and waited for him to play.

“Now remember, I’m not as great as my Rosie. But I’ll give it a go,” he said as he started to play softly.

Scully closed her eyes and listened to him warm up a little and then her eyes flew open. He was playing the same song her mother had been humming earlier, the one from her childhood that always made her feel better. Now, she did let her tears fall as she heard him softly singing along with his playing. She cried for the happiness it brought her, but mostly for the guidance. She still questioned the injustice of her situation, but she felt the peace that her faith brought her.

Perhaps God’s answer was no, but that did not mean she was finished. She had a job she loved, people whom she had helped, family she loved, and a partner who meant everything to her. A man who came into her life running full speed, shouting to the heavens, trying to find the answers he needed. A man who now was an extension of her and someone she could not live without.

She put her head against Thomas’s shoulder and let the piano and his singing soothe her soul. She closed her eyes and thanked her mother for the prayers she had sent up. She thanked Rosie, for being a true mother to all and sending her husband to care for someone, when she could no longer be there to do it herself.

Scully returned home a while later. She hung her coat up and dropped her keys on the table. She took off her shoes and started toward the bedroom when the phone rang. She knew it was Mulder before she answered. They had not spoken all day.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Scully. How was your lunch?” He asked her.

She smiled. So much asked in four words. “It was good, Mulder. We talked about the IVF and she was understandably upset, but she told me the same as you, to not give up on a miracle.”

“Smart woman then,” he said with a chuckle.

“Are you two chatting? She said the same thing about you,” she said laughing herself.

“She’s not.. not angry with me is she?” Mulder asked and Scully heard the worry in his voice.

“Why would she be angry with you, Mulder? None of this is your fault,” she said as she sat on the couch.

He sighed down the phone line. She could picture him on his couch, his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead.

“I.. I had the ova and I didn’t tell you. Didn’t find someone that could give you a better answer like Dr, Parenti did. I.. I just..I heard they weren’t viable and.. I couldn’t.. I couldn’t break your heart, Scully. I..” he trailed off and she covered her mouth so he would not hear her cry.

She took a deep breath. “No, Mulder. She doesn’t blame you and neither do I. You.. I know why you did it and so does she. She’s not angry. I honestly don’t know if you **could** make my mother angry.”

He exhaled a laugh that had a bit of a sob attached to it. “Thank God. I don’t know what I would do if she was angry with me. I don’t think I could recover, quite honestly.”

She laughed and got up from the couch, bringing the pillows he used the night before with her.

“Well, you’re safe for now. She’s not angry, with you..yet,” she said teasingly.

“Hmm,” he responded and she closed her eyes. She loved that sound he made.

“Well, Mulder it's been a long rather emotional day, I think I’m going to head to bed,” she said, putting the pillows down on her bed.

“Okay, Scully. You need anything, you just call me okay? I’ll be there,” he told her.

“I will, Mulder. Good night.”

“Wait!” He shouted.

“Yes?”

“Let’s.. let’s go out tomorrow. Get some dinner. Somewhere nice,” he said hopefully.

“Nice?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, more excitedly now. “You get dressed up and I’ll pick you up at say, 6:30? How does that sound?”

She thought for a second. It sounded like a date, but she knew he was not thinking that way. He just wanted to do something nice for her.

“Scully?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m here. That sounds good, Mulder. I’ll see you then.”

“Great,” he said. “I’ll see you then. And if you need me, or anything, I’ll be there. Just call.”

“Okay, Mulder. I will. Night.”

“Night, Scully.”

She hung up the phone and set in on her side table. She picked up his pillow and breathed in his scent. She lied back and rolled onto her side. She had no energy to get up and change her clothes. With Mulder’s scent surrounding her she quickly fell asleep.

As she slept, unbeknownst to her, Mulder was wide awake. He told himself he would wait for one hour. If he did not hear from her by then, he would be happy. He would know she was okay on her own tonight. He leaned his head back, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes. One hour, he thought.

He woke up and the sun was just coming up. She had not called. She was okay. He stretched and smiled. Good. He was happy, although he really had to pee. He could make it, he thought, as he started his car, pulled out of his parking spot and headed home, glancing up at her place and smiling.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh.. this chapter once again made me sob. So many parts of it, I was just a mess. This wonderful Scottish man, Thomas, is an amalgamation of people. My grandpa, who was the best, Carroll O’ Connor in Return to Me, and my Uncle Jack. He always wore those pageboy caps, so much so that in our family, they are simply known as “Uncle Jack” hats. 
> 
> The pallbearers thing.. I thought of in the car and I was a wreck. I sobbed thinking about it and I had to write it down as soon as I was able. It was so poignant to me. To carry someone who carried you... it’s what we have to do in this world. 
> 
> I love that Mulder sat outside her place all night “just in case.” God, that man loves her.


	5. Dinner and Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder takes Scully on a “date” and they enjoy their time together.

Mulder knocked on Scully’s door, feeling a little nervous. He had asked her to dinner and he was not sure if he made it sound like a “date” or just dinner. He would take either, but he did not want to push her or imply anything untoward. He **had** considered getting flowers, but then thought that would be too much.

So there he stood, heart pounding, waiting for her to answer. Hoping it **might** be a date, but not unless she wanted it also.

The door opened and he was hit with a wave of Scully scent. All of everything at once- her hair, her soap, her perfume. It was overpowering and nearly dropped him to his knees.

“Sorry. I’m running a little behind. I was doing laundry earlier, then I took a bath, sat down for just a minute and then woke up still in a towel. My hair was all over the place from sleeping on it when it was wet, so it’s been a bit of a process to get ready on time,” she said in a rush as she quickly opened the door and turned back inside. She was putting her earrings in as she turned back to look at him.

“Sorry, Scully. I heard the words-bath, towel, and wet. Did you say something else?” he asked as he hung his jacket up, closed the door, and turned to her with a smile, which quickly changed to an open mouthed quiet gasp.

She looked beautiful. She always did, but tonight she was even more so. She was wearing a dress that was casual but also dressy. It had short sleeves, a few small buttons that went across to her left side so it seemed to wrap around her, and the bottom was fuller than her usual business skirts.

None of this was anything though, compared to all the flesh looking at him, notably, the chest flesh. It was more open than any shirt she had ever worn. He was treated to more cleavage than he had ever seen from her. Aside from the dire moments when he had seen her naked, he had never seen so much of her skin. He would need all his willpower to not stare directly at her chest. This was going to be hard. In all aspects.

“Ha ha,” she said as she finally got her earrings in, and adjusted her dress. She saw him looking at her. “Is it too much? I bought this dress awhile back, and I’ve never worn it. You said dressed up, so I figured this would be a good chance to wear it. I can change if it’s-“

“No!” He cut across her. She looked at him in surprise.

“No, Scully. You look great. It’s a beautiful dress. You make it look beautiful,” he said in a calmer, sincere tone.

She gave him a look before saying thank you. She turned and went into her room and he was left alone with his racing heart. Jesus, he needed to calm the hell down. This was just them having dinner, like they had done thousands of times. Perhaps a bit more dressed up, but still **just** dinner.

She came out with a necklace in one hand  and her shoes in the other.

“This necklace has a catch on it that is hard to close, and open for that matter. I don’t wear it often. Could you see if you could do it for me? I think it would look nice with this dress,” she asked as she set her shoes down and walked over to him.

“Sure,” he said, taking the necklace from her as she turned around.

He fumbled a bit with the clasp but finally got it open. He reached it over her head and then worked to put it back together. He had to try a couple of times to get it closed. He could blame the clasp, but that was not the only hold up. He was distracted by her scent, her nearness, and the scar on the back of her neck.

He was not often in this position, with free reign to stare directly at her neck, and be this close to her in this way. He felt such guilt about that scar and what lay beneath it, the cause and reason for it. He wanted to kiss that scar and make it all better. Take back all the bullshit she went through as a result of it. He hated himself for her suffering. She did not deserve any of it

Finally the necklace had closed and he was forced to step back. “There you go,” he said quietly, still feeling that guilt.

She touched it, turning toward him, and smiling her thanks. It was a beautiful necklace. A silver chain with small diamonds leading to one slightly bigger one in the middle.

“My father gave this to me, when I graduated from medical school. I love it, but it’s too fancy for everyday. Seems like a good choice for tonight, though,” she told him with a smile, running her fingers across the diamonds.

He watched her do it, looking at the necklace, but also noticing her chest again. He needed to stop or this would be a very long night. He looked away and imagined those revolting flukeman bites until he calmed down.

She had put on her shoes and grabbed her jacket by the time he glanced back at her. She gave him an odd look as she put on her jacket and walked over to him.

“Ready?” she asked him with a smile.

He nodded, grabbed his jacket, and they headed out the door.

They drove down toward the waterfront in Georgetown and Mulder parked the car. They walked down closer to the boardwalk plaza and Mulder started to lead her toward the restaurants with a hand on the small of her back. She stopped walking and looked at him.

“Mulder,” she said, looking at the restaurants around them. “These places are so expensive. I.. thank you for everything you’ve done the last few days, but we don’t need to go anywhere too expensive. I..honestly, Mulder..” she looked at him beseechingly.

“Scully, no, we aren’t eating in any of these places,” he said with a wave of his hand. “No. They are nice, but they **are** expensive and I have something better planned.”

At her surprised look, he smiled at her. “I invited you to dinner. You think I don’t have a plan?”

She smiled and laughed softly, as she reached out and linked her arm through his.

He continued smiling as he looked down at her before stepping forward and continuing to the restaurant he had chosen.

Just past the big fancy restaurants by the waterfront, there was a Greek restaurant. Close by the water but not in the prime location. Mulder pushed the door open and ushered Scully inside. He walked up to the podium and told the hostess his name, as he hung his jacket on the coat rack.

“Fox freaking Mulder!” Came a cry from across the room.

A woman came rushing up and crushed Mulder in an embrace, adding a kiss on each cheek. She had dark hair, laughing eyes, and a beautiful smile.

“Hello, Nia. How are you?” he asked as she held his face in her hands. He saw Scully smiling as she let him go.

“Oh my god! It’s been **ages** since I’ve seen you! I saw your name on the reservation list, and I about screamed Ma’s ear off. How **are** you? Last we heard you were working for the FBI? Are you still working there?” she stepped back and grabbed his hands.

Mulder smiled as he looked back at her. He squeezed her hands and then dropped them as he turned toward Scully. He gestured to her and she stepped toward Nia.

“Yes, I have been working at the bureau for awhile now. Nia, this is my partner at the FBI, Dana Scully. Scully, this is Nia Costas. We grew up together in Chilmark. This is her family’s restaurant,” Mulder said by way of introduction.

Scully and Nia shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. Nia then grabbed some menus and led them to the table, laughing and telling stories about Mulder when he was younger, that made him blush and Scully laugh.

The table where they sat down, had a wonderful view of the water. Scully looked at it approvingly as she sat and took the menu from Nia. Nia told them their server would be right out, winked at Mulder, and walked away.

Scully raised an eyebrow at him as she smiled, but he shook his head. There had never been anything more than friendship between them. Although, he had had a boyish crush on her when he was younger.

“Nia was one of my friends when I was younger. She was a killer baseball player and could run faster than any kid I knew,” he said, smiling as he remembered those days.

“Mr. Fox Mulder! Look at you, so grown up!” a woman, who could only be Nia’s mother,  called loudly as she came bustling up to the table and Mulder stood to greet her.

She was a large woman with pillowy arms and big hair. She grabbed Mulder in a tight embrace and then kissed him as Nia had. She left two large red lipstick kisses on each cheek, causing Scully to laugh.

She held his face in her hands as she looked at him and inquired about his family, work, and his life. He answered as best he could as she fired her rapid questions at him.

She turned her attention to Scully and Mulder introduced them. Mrs. Costas pulled Scully into an embrace as she had stood to greet her as well. Mulder laughed at her “help me” face as she was all but smothered by the larger woman.

She told them to sit and she looked at Mulder and smiled. She grabbed his chin and told him how proud she was of him. Mulder’s smushed face made Scully giggle and he felt her happiness invade his heart.

Mrs. Costas finally let him go and told them anything they wanted was on the house. Mulder tried to argue with her, but she put her hand up, took their menus, and walked away.

“I guess we’re getting whatever she brings us,” Mulder said as he rubbed his aching jaw and wiped his lipsticked face.

Scully laughed again and looked out at the water. Mulder followed her gaze and watched a few of the boats gliding past. Scully took her jacket off and put it on her chair behind her, leaned forward, and looked out the window again. Mulder glanced back once, then twice, trying to keep his eyes off of all the Scully flesh presented to him.

Just then, the server came up and brought them some food. A Greek salad which they both enjoyed. Then came some meatballs, some lamb, and then some steak. It was delicious and they ate their fill. Scully not quite as much as Mulder, but if the sounds she made were any indication, she enjoyed the dishes.

After they had finished their food, they asked for a coffee. When Mrs, Costa walked up to check on them, Mulder told Scully about the delicious baklava she used to make. She waved him down and told him to stop, but they could she she was pleased. She squeezed his face again, thanking him for the compliment. She disappeared into the kitchen and personally brought them a huge piece to share, along with their coffee. It was as delicious as he remembered and he fought Scully for the last bite.

There was a small band playing in the back of the restaurant and after they had finished their meal, Mulder asked Scully if she would like to head back and listen to them. She said she would rather walk around the plaza. He nodded and agreed it would be nice.

They said goodbye to the Costas, Mulder being hugged and kissed within an inch of his life. They hugged Scully goodbye as well and Mrs. Costas gave Mulder pointed looks over her shoulder. He smiled back, putting on his jacket as he said goodbye again, and Scully put her jacket on as well.

The night air was cooler than the restaurant had been and to Mulder it felt wonderful. It had felt overly warm to him in the restaurant. Scully seemed to feel the same as she took deep breaths and fanned her jacket a few times. She grinned at him and he offered her  his arm. She took it as they headed for the boardwalk and started walking.

“So.. how long did you have a crush on Nia?” Scully asked after they had walked in silence for awhile.

Mulder chuckled. “Probably about..a year? When I was around eleven. I don’t think I really knew what it was until I was older, but it was definitely a crush. She was fun and happy and her home was the same way. My home was the opposite. I liked going over to her place after we had all been out running around during the day. There was always a lot of people, food, and that baklava.. God. I used to dream of that stuff at night.”

She laughed quietly. “The food was definitely delicious. Although, it technically **was** free and by dinner invite standards, I think you still **owe** me a meal,” she stopped walking, stepped away from him. She leaned against a wall, looking out at the water, crossing her arms.

“Is that right?” he asked, as he too leaned back against the wall, looking at her and smiling.

“I mean, you invited me out, yet you didn’t **pay** for the meal. Ergo, you still seem to be on the negative side of things,” she said, as she glanced at him, shrugging her shoulders, trying to stifle a smile.

“Hmmm,” he said, reaching up and rolling his bottom lip between his finger and thumb. “If I buy you some ice cream later, will that be good enough to shut you up?”

“It might,” she said with a thoughtful look on her face as she lost the battle and smiled at him.

He nodded, dropping his hands to his sides, then locking his hands in front of him. He looked out at the moon shining in the water. He looked back at her as she continued to look at him.

He shook his head and then looked away from her. “Scully, I’m so sorry this didn’t work,” he said quietly, as he kept his eyes on the water, unable to look her in the eyes. “I wanted it for you so badly. Something good to come from all this bullshit. A good thing born of the bad. I just-“

“Mulder, no. Let’s…I don’t want talk about it anymore. It won’t change anything and.. it just..it creates a hurt where it’s not needed,” she rested her head against his shoulder and looked at the water. “We tried. We did what we could.”

She shifted and stood up straight. She touched his arm and he turned toward her. She looked him in the eyes and reached for his hand.

“I.. I don’t expect a miracle. I know that it’s improbable, but..I was able to see a way to get my faith back, at least a little, today. I have that to lean on and for that I am thankful. For my faith..and you,” she squeezed his hand and he turned his hand, causing their fingers to intertwine. “You’ve helped in so many ways and I am truly thankful for that, Mulder. I’m the one who should be taking **you** to dinner,” she said with a teary eyed smile.

“Hmm. Meet halfway and call it even?” he asked with a squeeze to her hand, as he stroked her cheek with the other.

“Throw in that ice cream you promised and you got a deal,” she said, wiping her eyes.

“As long at it’s not that tofutti rice shit, I’m in,” he said, shaking his head, taking his hand from her face.

She laughed and nodded. He nodded back and grinned at her. He turned and started walking again. He kept a hold of her hand, and they walked around the plaza for awhile, before heading to the ice cream shop.

When they walked in, they found it was quite packed for a Monday evening. They waited in line and ordered, each getting a cup. Scully seemed to regret her choice, and Mulder assured her they could share.

Wanting to avoid the crowded shop, they went back outside and found a bench along the plaza and sat down. They ate in silence. Scully stole so many little bites of his ice cream, he finally switched with her and she smiled her thanks at him.

When they were finished, they drove back to her place. She invited him up and he accepted. They walked in and he took off his jacket and reached for hers. She asked him to open a bottle of wine as she turned to leave the room and use the bathroom. She turned around and walked back to him and asked him to first help take off her necklace.

He reached for the clasp again as she turned her back to him. He fumbled with it, the same as before. This time, when he accidentally grazed her neck, he saw her shiver. He did it again, purposely, and she exhaled a very light moan. The necklace popped open and he caught it. Sliding it around her neck to hand to her, he felt her lean back into him, and he had to work hard at not moaning.

She stepped forward and clasped her necklace. She turned and her eyes burned into his. She was breathing hard. He could see her chest rising and falling. He felt the fire that had started when she opened the door, and had continued to burn all evening, now threatening to reduce him to ashes.

He saw her eyes flick to his mouth and his heart pounded. Danger lights were flashing in his mind. He knew he needed to step back. This was not the time, not now. Not after the last couple of days.

He stepped back. “Red or white?” he asked in a rough voice. He cleared his throat and stood waiting for her answer.

“What?” she asked, confused as she tore her eyes from his mouth.  

“The wine, Scully. Do you want red or white?” he knew it was a poor excuse, a way to push back, but he was terrified. Terrified she would regret pushing past anything other than the friendship they shared. If she did..Jesus, it would break him.

“Oh,” she said, surprised. As if she had forgotten she had asked him to open a bottle of wine. She sighed and looked down, her shoulders seemed to slump a little. “Whichever one, Mulder. I don’t really have a preference.”

She turned to leave and he shook his head. God, he was such a fucking coward. “Would you rather I made some tea?” he asked her.

She turned and looked him right in the eye. Shaking her head, she stared at him. “No, Mulder. I think we could both really use a drink,” she said as she held his gaze and then walked into the bathroom.

Shit. His heart had stopped, and then exploded at a pace he had never experienced. He almost tripped as he tried to hurry and get to the kitchen to open the wine before she came back in the room.

He picked a red, quickly pulled the cork, and poured them each a generous glass. He brought them to the coffee table, waiting on the couch for her, as his heart threatened to jump out of his chest.

She came back in the room a few minutes later. She had taken off her shoes and she tucked her feet under her as she sat on the couch. He leaned forward, picked up their glasses, and handed hers to her.

She nodded her thanks as she took a big drink. He followed suit and then they sat without speaking for awhile.

He felt his ears ringing, sure she could hear the blood pumping through his veins. He saw her take another drink out of the corner of his eye. He also took another drink and then shifted a little closer to her.

He put his arm on the back of the couch, and lightly touched her neck, moving his fingers in small circles. She closed her eyes at his touch and he felt her relax into it. The wine settling in her belly, combined with his touch, seemed to bring her a peaceful feeling.

She leaned into him more and sighed. Her eyes opened slowly and she stared at him differently than he had ever seen. He felt his body respond everywhere. It was too much. He needed to leave before things went too far and they could not go back.

He moved his hand, set down his glass, and got up to leave. She stood too, quickly setting her glass down, and followed him. She caught him at the door and she placed her hand on his arm. He turned and looked at her.

“Mulder…” she whispered, her hand sliding down off his arm.

He stared at her. His hands itched to touch her. To hold her face. To kiss her. He swallowed as best he could when his mouth was so dry.

She held his stare as he fought an inner battle. His need to touch her won out and he placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb grazing across it. She closed her eyes at his touch and exhaled. He stared at her, amazed anew at how truly beautiful she was. His heart pounded hard and his breathing increased.

She opened her eyes and they were like a magnet, pulling him in. He leaned forward, but then pulled back. Goddamn. They had been here before, in this uncertain place. In front of the invisible line they never seemed to be able to cross. Unwilling to give in to what they wanted and scared of revealing how they truly felt. He felt the sinking feeling of disappointment that they would never get there because they could never take that risk. Risking the partnership they had scared the shit out of him. He took a step back and dropped his hand from her cheek.

As he did, she stepped forward. She stared at him for seconds that felt like a lifetime. Then, she grabbed the front of his shirt in both hands, pulled him to her, and kissed him. Kissed him hard. Crushing her lips to his, keeping a firm grip on his shirt, giving him no chance to flee.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh.. here we go! These two.. They always have to fight that inner battle of what they should do when it comes to their feelings. Scully just stepped up and showed her hand. Time to get this party started...
> 
> Also, I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding recently and I picture that entire family in the restaurant of this story. I love that movie, it is so sweet and crazy and loud. It’s beautiful.


	6. Desire and Ecstasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex. Do you need much more of a summary than that? :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I am a firm believer that All Things was their first sexual encounter. That reveal-her getting dressed in his bathroom, his naked body tastefully covered with a sheet, it was jaw dropping and I about died. 
> 
> Then, a year later, we get Per Manum. When he is holding her and she kisses his cheek, then his NECK.. hold up. No time frame is ever given to the flashbacks so we don’t know when it takes place. It has been a mystery for 17 years. Talk about an X-File. 
> 
> So..going off the vague, nonexistent clues, for me, this is the only time I can believe sex happened before All Things. If it’s like I place it in my own head, before Orison, it could explain the idea of the Season of Secret Sex (SOSS). They were super flirty and adorable throughout that season. While I attribute it to getting closer to FINALLY getting there, this story and particularly this chapter, examines the “What If’s?” 
> 
> Thanks and I hope you enjoy it! ❤️

The surprise Mulder felt as her lips crashed into his, was replaced with desire and longing in an instant. Seven years. Seven goddamn years, he had thought of kissing her this way. His hand slid to the back of her neck and their kiss deepened.

She tightened her grip on his shirt and moaned into his mouth. Hearing her moan sparked anew that fire in him. He grabbed her waist with his other hand and slid his tongue in her mouth where it danced with hers. Her arms slid up around his neck, pulled him closer, and it was his turn to moan. 

They kissed until they both needed more air. Scully felt dizzy when they broke apart. She swayed forward and leaned into him.  
  
He was trying to catch his breath when he felt her hands creeping under his shirt. He jumped when he felt her fingernails beginning to run up his sides, trying to lift his shirt up. He felt chills run through him, but knew he needed to be sure this was what she wanted. That it was not a decision made from sadness.  
  
He put his hands over hers and stilled her motions. She looked up at him with questions in her eyes.  
  
“Scully,” he began, his voice low and husky, sending shivers through her body, “Scully, it’s.. it’s..I.. we’ve been through a lot in the past couple days.. I.. Jesus, don’t.. don’t misunderstand me here, because.. I..I just want to make sure this is what you want. That it’s not... That I..”  
  
“Mulder,” she whispered, “it has been an emotional couple of days. But.. god Mulder, it’s been an emotional seven years. Seven **years** , Mulder. I’m not basing my decision out of sadness. I am alive and whole. You’re alive and whole. We are not always so lucky,” she said shaking her head.

She held his stare and took a deep breath. She took her hands from his and put them on his chest. Her right hand directly over his heart. She could feel it racing and knew it matched her own.

“I want this, Mulder,” she said. His heart rate increased and she felt hers echoing the beat.

He exhaled as he covered her hands with his and stroked his thumbs across them. He stared in her eyes and smiled.

“Then we want the same thing,” he said quietly, bringing his hands to her face, leaning in for another kiss. He pulled back and they stared at each other. Line crossed, time to step past it.

Her arms slipped around his neck, as he moved his hands to her ass and pulled her flush against him. He claimed her mouth with another searing kiss. She gasped into his mouth as her nails dug into his neck. 

The line was gone. Blown away in the wind, never to be seen again. Good fucking riddance.

She felt his beginning arousal and it made her stomach flip. She tried to get closer to him, but it was not working how she wanted. God, sometimes their height difference really was a problem, especially when she was barefoot. She needed more leverage. 

Mulder chuckled inwardly. He could sense her frustration. He bent his knees, grabbed her ass a little harder, and lifted her into his arms. She immediately locked her legs around his waist, wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, and squealed as she broke from their kiss.

She was breathing hard but could not stop the laughter that bubbled out. What were they doing? A better question, how have they **not** done this before? Jesus, he was making her so incredibly dizzy and oh god.. so wet. All from simply kissing. But god, they were fucking amazing kisses. Her head was spinning and she thought there was a good chance she could come from his kisses alone.

He was staring up at her and she was falling into his eyes. He could see the desire in them and knew they reflected his own. Holding her like this, her legs wrapped around him, he could not think of a justifiable reason why they had never done this before.

Scully grabbed on tighter, leaned her mouth to his ear, and growled, “Bedroom.”  
He stumbled a step as he felt all his blood rush south. Nope, no justifiable reason came to mind.

She started kissing his neck and licked his pulse point. He seethed and stopped moving. He could feel her breathy laughter against his neck and he growled. He began to walk faster and she giggled. 

She bit his earlobe and he ran into a wall. She felt her back hit and she broke away from him in surprise. He used the wall as leverage and ground himself into her core. He saw bits of lights at the sheer pleasure this intimate gesture brought him. She gasped and mewled out his name. His head fell to her chest as she threw hers back. He needed to get to that bedroom. Now.

By sheer force, he pulled away from the wall and held onto her. She had a vice like grip on him and was not letting go. He stumbled into her room and toward the bed. When his knees hit the edge, they both tumbled onto the mattress. He managed to not collapse completely on top of her, but just barely. He pushed into her again as their limbs tangled and they both groaned. Her legs pulled him closer and she panted.  
  
He lowered his head onto her chest again and tried to slow his speeding heart. This was going to be over quickly, if she did not  stop thrusting into him. He put his hands on either side of her and tried to push off of her. Her legs did not unlock, keeping him close.

“Scully,” he breathily groaned. 

Reluctantly, she unlocked her legs and leaned up on her elbows as he stood up. Her chest was heaving and her body felt like it was on fire. Every nerve in her body was trilling. She slid to the edge of the bed and stood up too. Her hands reached for his belt buckle but he stopped her, holding onto her wrists.  
  
“Wait,” Mulder said, staring at her, drowning in her eyes.

He grabbed her neck, pulled her close, and kissed her deeper than before. Long languid strokes of his tongue played in her mouth. He battled her tongue and he came out the victor. He stroked every spot, reveling in her taste, the sounds she made.  
  
He pulled away from her mouth but did not let up. He licked her pulse point like she had done to him. When he felt her gasp and shake, he knew he had hit the right spot. He kissed along her jaw, down her neck, alternating nibbling and licking.  
  
Her body was rubber, that was her only coherent thought. He had reduced her to a rubber person. She held onto his shirt in fistfuls. Without that anchor, she was going to fall. Her breath was coming out fast and her pulse was pounding in her ears. Still he kissed, nibbled, and licked.

She ran her fingers in his hair and pulled his mouth back to hers, running her hands back to his chest.

This time she was the dominant one. She ran her tongue along his, along his teeth, then sucked his tongue before biting his lip as she pulled away. She released his lip, but then ran her tongue across it, tasting every inch. She pulled back and smiled at him. She reached for his belt buckle again and this time he did not try and stop her. 

She had undressed him before, many times, in doctor mode. Seen him naked, seen him hurt and tortured. She had never seen him aroused and hard, especially because of her. She felt a shiver of excitement knowing she was about to see the effect she had on him. She brushed the backs of her fingers across his zipper and he hissed.  
  
She got the buckle undone, his button opened, but took care with the zipper. He was hard and she did not want to cause him pain. She tried to pull the zipper down, but it stuck. She tried again and he gasped. He grabbed her wrist and she made a sound of exasperation.

“I can’t.. it’s stuck,” she whined, as she tried to reach for it again.

“Yeah. This zipper does that sometimes. I.. uh. hadn’t planned on anyone else trying to unzip my pants this evening,” he said as he lightly chuckled and took a step back from her. She laughed quietly with him.

He took his shirt off first, giving her an eyeful of his chest and tight abs. He threw it behind him, not caring where it landed. He took off his shoes quickly, kicking them aside. He pulled his zipper down after a couple of  tries, swearing under his breath as she laughed again. He pulled his pants over his hips and down his legs. He stepped out of them and kicked them behind him. He bent and took off his socks and then his boxers. He was completely nude before her and she took a few seconds to really look at him. At all of him. 

God, he was absolutely beautiful. She reached out her fingers and scraped her nails from his shoulder blades to his hip bones. When she touched them, he shuddered. 

“Ticklish?” she asked, in a whisper.  
  
“No,” he whispered.  
  
“Hmmm,” she hummed as she ran her nails across his hips to his lower back. She would have to remember that spot later. She moved her hands back to his chest, then over his shoulders, and down his arms to his wrists. She ran her thumbs in circles on the insides of his wrists.

She reached to touch him, to feel him, but he stopped her. He swallowed and shook his head. If she did that, it would be his undoing. He applied pressure to her wrist, saying without words why he stopped her. She smiled at him and nodded. He dropped her hand and she let hers fall to her sides.

He reached out and began unbuttoning her dress. He watched her as he did, not looking anywhere but her eyes, being led by the memory of how her dress looked. He got the buttons open and reached up to her shoulders to slide it from her arms and down her body.

She closed her eyes at the sensations of his hands undressing her. Mulder was undressing her. Not because she was sick or hurt, but because he wanted her. Desired her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes on hers were intense. She felt her stomach flip and her core throb.

He slid her dress down, past her hips, and it pooled at her feet. He looked down at her standing there in her underwear. Black satin and lace had never looked so enticing. Had never made his breath catch the way it did as he gazed at her perfect body.

He raised his eyes back to hers. He opened and closed his mouth as though he could not decide to say what was on his mind. Too many thoughts and feelings to express.

He put his hands on her small waist and drew circles with his thumbs. He started climbing higher until he was brushing the underside of her breasts. He could feel her taking quick breaths in, his hands moving with her. 

He extended his thumbs up and ran them across her nipples through her bra. She breathed harder and made a strangled sound in her throat. He did it again and she gasped. He kept moving his hands higher and slid the straps of her bra down. He reached behind her and unhooked her bra. It slid down and he threw it behind him.

No preamble, he cupped both breasts in his hands and she moaned. He looked down at his hands holding her breasts. Jesus Christ, she was beautiful. Her breasts were perfect. They fit in his hands as if they were made for him. Firm, yet soft. The weight of them in his hands, the feel of them, shot desire straight to his groin. 

He looked up at her as he continued squeezing. She had her eyes closed and her mouth was open, taking panting breaths.  
  
He leaned down and kissed her. She grabbed his forearms as her eyes flew open and she mewled into his mouth. He slowly ran his tongue around in her mouth as he rolled her nipples between his fingers and gave a little tug.  
  
She gave a muffled cry in his mouth, then threw her head back, dug her nails into his arms, thrusting her breasts harder into his hands.  Her hips hit his and his erection bumped her. They both cried out and she felt a rush of desire vibrate her core, her nails digging hard into his arms. She breathed his name as she felt her release break like a wave over her.

Holy shit. He stared at her and knew she had just come. He had made her come. She was absolutely beautiful with her head thrown back in ecstasy from what his touch had done to her. He wanted to see her in that state of ecstasy every day. He felt desire in his groin again from her reaction and the contact of her hips. He caressed her slowly and waited for her to look at him again. 

Her heart was racing. Jesus. She could not believe how quickly she broke. She had always needed time to get there, but she just had an orgasm from him touching her breasts. Her breasts. That had never happened before. Not ever. Her nipples were sensitive, but she had never come from such minimal stimulation. It was because of him and him alone.

She brought her head back up and was met with his hazel eyes burning into her blue ones. She was done with slow, she needed to feel him inside her. Just the thought, made her even wetter, if that was possible. 

She let go of his arms, forcing his hands off her breasts even as she groaned from the loss of them. She reached for her panties, but he stopped her. He stared at her as he pushed her hands away and put his hands on her hips. He slid his fingers in the waistband of her panties and slid them down. He followed as he pulled. He went to his knees and lifted each foot as she stepped out of them. He grabbed her dress and tossed both behind them.

He ran his hands up her legs and he felt her wobble. He heard her ragged breaths and it made him feel empowered. He was creating this feeling in her. He was making her knees weak. Jesus, he could smell her arousal. It made his head spin. He needed to taste her.

He pressed his face to her and kissed her, holding her with his arm, anticipating her knees buckling. She grabbed his hair and lurched forward, breathing his name. He took that as a good sign and he nudged her toward the bed.

She kept a tight grip on his hair as he pushed her to the edge of her bed. She fell back and he opened her legs, settling them over his shoulders. God, she smelled amazing. He inhaled her, his nose close to the sparse hair he found there. He hummed his appreciation and he raised his head to look up at her. 

She was flat on her back, breathing like she had run a race. Too much. It was all too much. This was Mulder. His face was in her  most private area. A place she had wanted him for so long. It was finally happening. His hands were on her bare skin, his kisses, his smell. God his smell was everywhere. It was too much and not enough all at once. Almost of their own volition, her legs tightened around his neck and pulled him closer to his goal. 

He used his thumbs to open her more. He began to lower his head, but looked up at her one last time, before he licked her from bottom to top. She jerked her hips up and shouted his name. He laid an arm across her hips, holding her in place.

She moaned his name and her thighs tightened around his head. He had a face full of Scully. God, but he could live here. Set up a little house, settle down. She tasted like heaven. Hearing her calling his name, spurred him on and he took another lick. 

“Mulder.. Mulder.. Mulder.. Jesus...I can’t.. please... please,” she cried. 

He swirled his tongue and felt her grab his hair. She had him from all angles now. Legs wrapped tight around his back, hands pushing him even closer. He was not going to let her down, he was going to make her  come. Again.

He continued licking her, kissing her, listening to her noises, feeling her fingernails when he did something she liked. He licked his way up and she grabbed his hair so tight, he knew he had made the right move. He teased her with his tongue, sucked and then licked her slowly

She could feel another orgasm coming on like a freight train. Shit, she felt so out of control and she loved every second of it. He was letting something loose inside of her that had lay dormant for years. She could feel it happening. Could feel the fissure  cracks in the wall she had so carefully erected to keep her heart safe.

Oh god, he was biting her..

“Oh, Mulder! Mulder!” she screamed as she came. She had fistfuls of his hair, holding on for dear life. Her thighs were so tight around his head, she was sure he was suffocating. But still he licked and bit her. She felt her legs shaking and her orgasm flowing through her. 

He slowed down his efforts, feeling her legs shaking against him. Hearing her soft cries of his name. Over and over as though in prayer. He felt his ego burst from the knowledge that he could make her feel so good. 

Her pleasure subsiding, her legs lay heavily on his shoulders. Her feet rubbed lazily on his back. She ran her fingers softly through his hair and tried to catch her breath. Oh god, he was good at that, so good. Her eyes were closed as she licked her lips. She opened her eyes and let out a breath of disbelief, surprise, and bliss. Mulder made her come and it was better than any fantasy scenario she had ever imagined.

Smiling from ear to ear, completely sated, her body humming, she seemed to float there. Then she felt Mulder’s hands caressing the outsides of her thighs, his lips kissing the insides. She shivered and caressed his hair. 

“Mulder,” she breathed, “come up here.” She tugged on his hair and attempted to move her legs from his shoulders. They were so heavy, she did not know if she could.  
  
He slid her legs off his shoulders gently, knowing they must feel like rubber. She had been holding such a tight grip, her muscles must be exhausted. As he started to rise, he placed his arms under her ass, around to her back. He scooped her up and lifted her to the middle of the bed.

She yelped and laughed in surprise. He was flush against her and she could feel his erection on her stomach. Her breasts were pressed into his chest, his chest hair creating a wonderful friction. His arms were holding her from her back to her neck. She had never felt so close to anyone. 

She reached up and held his face, staring into his eyes. Then pulled his mouth down for a kiss. She moaned into his mouth. She tasted herself in every corner. She stroked her tongue lazily with his and felt herself becoming aroused again. God. He was like a drug in her system. A habit she would never be able to break.

Mulder felt himself harden even more when she started to kiss him, knowing he would taste of her. She seemed to enjoy it, if her thorough investigation of his mouth was any indication. He was thrilled. He had already planned on doing that for her every day for the rest of his life, if she let him.

His erection was pressing on her stomach. She lifted and wrapped her legs around him and it stroked along her navel. Sweet Jesus. She throbbed and pulled from the kiss. She stared in his eyes and it was as if he was looking into her soul. So much was silently spoken and the room felt as though it was suddenly filled with electricity. 

“Scully,” he breathed as he lowered his head to her neck. He sucked the skin at her pulse and then nipped, marking her. She gasped and lifted her hips again. 

“Mulder,” she breathed in return.

He captured her mouth in another kiss, before he raised himself up on his hands, and began to slide down her body. Her legs shifted to accommodate his maneuvering.  
  
She shivered immediately at the loss of his heat. He peppered her body with kisses, along her shoulder, her collarbone, between her breasts, her belly. He dipped his tongue in her belly button. He came back up and took her breast in his mouth. She shuddered against him and held his head to her breast.  
  
He sucked on her breast, teasing her nipple with his tongue. He pulled on her nipple with his teeth and she dug her nails into his head, gasping for breath. He moved to the other breast and gave it the same attention. God, he wanted to feast on her forever.  
  
She had other plans though. She scraped his head again and pulled his head up. He saw fire burning in her eyes.    
  
“Mulder,” she whimpered. “Mulder...please.”  
  
He sat back on his knees and opened her legs. He positioned himself at her entrance, grazing himself across her as he did. She bounced off the bed and screamed his name.  
  
He stopped and watched her lose control. Gazed at her flushed face, her smooth as silk skin, her hands gripped tightly in the blankets. He waited. He wanted to look in her eyes when he joined his body with hers. To see together, the completion of their journey.  
  
Jesus Christ. She could not believe she came again. Again. Never had she been this easily stimulated. No one else had ever made her feel this way. No one had ever brought her to climax so easily. It was not simply the lack of sex for so long, it was him. She had never trusted or cared for someone like she did Mulder. No one.  
  
When she came down, he was over her, staring at her. “Scully, keep your eyes open and look at me,” he whispered.  
  
“Just.. Mulder.. just go slow,” she whispered. “It’s been..it’s been a long time.”  
  
He nodded and slowly began to push into her.  
  
It was exquisite pain and pleasure. They looked into each other’s eyes and if the world had ended, they would not have noticed. They only saw each other.  
  
She brought her legs up around his hips and urged him to go in more. He needed no encouragement.  
  
He braced himself on his forearms as he slid in even more. He was almost all the way in when she gasped and locked her legs around his waist and clenched her inner muscles. He saw her wince and he halted his motions.  
  
“Jesus, Scully,” he said, worry in his voice. “Am I hurting you? I’m sorry,” he started to pull out and she cried out, digging her nails into his back.  
  
“Mulder! Oh.. God. no..you’re not hurting me,” she gasped and panted as she drew her legs up even higher on his waist, trying to halt his movements. Her motions, combined with the rocking of her hips, caused him to sink to the hilt.  
  
They both shouted in unison. She pushed her ankles in his back, holding him still, drawing deep breaths as they looked in each other’s eyes.

He waited to take his cue from her. It had been a long time for him too, god had it, and she felt amazing. If they moved too soon, he was going to come too quickly. Holding still was a fucking great idea.

God, he was inside her. Mulder was inside her. Her partner. Her crazy, wonderful, frustrating, brilliant, gorgeous partner was naked and buried deep inside her.

She slowly loosened her ankles and relaxed her legs an infinitesimal amount. “Mulder,” she breathed, as she wrapped her arms under his and grasped his shoulders.

Just his name. Her signal she was ready. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her softly. Then he rested his forehead on hers and took a deep breath. He pulled his hips back from the cocoon of he legs and slid out of her slowly. She hissed out a breath and closed her eyes. 

He fell into her neck and and began to pump into her. Slow strokes at first, then he started pumping faster, her legs widening and wrapping further up his back. He was kidding himself thinking he would be able to go slow. Seven. Fucking. Years.

“Mulder,” she gasped. “Oh my god. Harder…please..Mulder.”

At her words, he lifted off her neck, leaned back and pulled out completely. Her legs falling from his back. 

Scully moaned and tried to pull him back to her. “Please,” she whimpered, “why? What are you doing, Mulder?”  
  
He pulled her up until she was sitting facing him. He sat back on his calves and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. Her eyes widened when she realized his intentions. She looped her arms around his neck and raised herself up. Then she slid down his length until he bottomed out inside her.  
  
They exhaled each others name in unison.  
  
He was so hard, so deep inside her. Jesus and all the saints in heaven, he was hitting her in places she had never even felt before. She placed her hands on his shoulders as he tightened his grip on her waist. She raised up and slid up his length and back down.    
  
They both hissed and gasped at the pleasure it created. He held onto her hips and helped to guide her movements. Up and down. Bodies slick with sweat, her breasts scraping across his chest, her fingernails clutching into his back as she rode him harder and faster.  
  
He wrapped an arm around her waist and one around her neck and laid her back down on the bed. Her legs were wrapped high around him. She let out a guttural scream throwing her head back in ecstasy.  
  
She clenched and throbbed around him so tightly, he had to stop moving.  
  
“MULDER!” She screamed, shattering around him. Her orgasm was the most intense one she had ever had. She felt it in her toes, her fingers, her very soul. The fissure cracks from earlier, became an implosion. The wall she had erected to keep her safe from him, from loving him, lay in a pile of rubble.

Mulder watched and felt her break apart. Felt her release as she shattered around him, free and so goddamn beautiful. He had never felt anything so amazing.

She raised her head and they stared at each other. They both felt it simultaneously. This was more than sex. More than bodies joining together. This was them making a promise, staking a claim. They belonged to each other. Body and soul. No one else would ever be enough. He kissed her and the promise was sealed.

He broke the kiss and began to thrust into her again. He wrapped his arms under hers and clasped them behind her neck, his mouth at her throat, her hips and moans urging him on, his name on her lips. He felt if he got any closer to her, he could melt into her and merge with her soul. 

“Mulder,” she breathed, “Mulder.. I’m close.. again. Mulder.. Mulder.”  
  
He licked her neck. He raised his head and latched his mouth to hers, making love to her mouth with his tongue. He thrust as he kissed her and the sensation of his body working in tandem created a rush of wetness at her core.

She pulled her mouth away from him. It was too much. She looked in his eyes as he kept up his relentless pace. His head dropped back to her throat. Another orgasm was approaching again and she wanted them to get there together. She moved her legs and locked her ankles behind his thighs. She raked her nails down his back and grabbed onto his ass. She could feel his muscles flexing as he drove into her, his strokes becoming faster. She knew he was close.  
  
She nudged his head up with her chin. He looked at her with wild, lustful eyes. She looked back at him, at this man she had loved for so long. The man who had saved her, infuriated her, challenged her, made her laugh, had made her come so many times tonight, and her heart burst.  
  
“Mulder,” she whispered as she squeezed her internal muscles, “Look at me. Mulder..” she ran her fingers up his back again and buried them in his hair, holding his gaze.

She let go of his hair and reached her hands to his hip bones, tickling across them with her nails. 

He looked at her in surprise as she pushed her thumbs into his hip bones. She began to thrust her hips, spurring him on. With a surprised cry, he gave two quick thrusts and began to come, their eyes locked on each other. The rush of warmth from him, triggered her own elease.  
  
Mulder fell forward and buried his head in her neck, breathing her name over and over as he came deep inside her. Thrust after thrust, filing her.  
  
“Scully... god.. Scully...Scully..” he panted into her neck.  
  
“Mulder.. oh Mulder.. god.. Mulder.. .”  
  
Sated and spent, neither of them moved. He collapsed fully on top of her. His breath rushing in and out of his lungs, heart racing. He knew he must be crushing her, but he was sure he could not move, and she did not seem to mind. She was slowly stroking her fingers up and down his back, her breathing slowly returning to normal. She unlocked her legs from the backs of his thighs and brought them up to rest above his hips, rubbing her feet over his ass.  
  
He did not know it yet, but this was her favorite part of sex, the afterglow. The feeling of euphoria that came with, well coming, especially with a partner. She had brought herself to release thousands of times, solo and with another. The solo times were good, but never brought her the state of bliss she felt right now. He was still inside her, still faintly pulsing. She could feel her body still spasming around him. His weight on top of her felt exquisite. She felt so safe, so loved, so happy wrapped up in her personal Mulder cocoon.

“I must be crushing you.” She felt him murmur against her throat. 

“Mmmm,” she hummed. “Do you hear me complaining? Don’t move yet, I like the way you feel.”  
  
He chuckled. “I’d say that is a fairly astute assessment Agent Scully.”  
  
She hummed a chuckle and resumed her dancing fingers.  
  
Mulder waited a few more minutes, then raised his head. She brought her hands to his ears and begin to caress them as they gazed at one another. Mulder bent his head and kissed her softly.  
  
“Scully,” he whispered against her mouth. “I have to move. You may not be complaining, but..”  
  
She moved her legs and shifted her body. He winced with the change and began to pull back, rising on his forearms. He kissed her again, sliding his tongue along hers.  
  
He trailed kisses down her body as he moved further back. He knew they were both spent but he could not resist taking a breast in his mouth and suckling her nipple. She started to moan and brought her legs back around him, so he stopped.

“Scully.. no.. I.. I physically can’t right now,” he told her with an apologetic voice, as he pulled back.

He hated to move away from her body, to break their physical connection. But, he needed to pull out now before he simply slipped out. Try to maintain some dignity. He put his hands beside her waist and braced himself. He looked at where they were joined. So goddamn amazing.  
  
He looked up at her, wanting to see her reaction to them separating. He began to withdraw, using his hand to guide him out. She gasped and he groaned as he pulled out completely and stood up.

She felt the loss immensely. Her legs were like jelly, collapsing without his strength to support them. She closed her eyes and ran her hands up her body. She smiled and sighed, raising her arms above her head, stretching like a cat in a patch of sunshine. She opened her eyes and found him staring at her. They grinned at each other.

He bent over the side of the bed and kissed her. She looped her arms loosely around his neck and kissed him back. Slow, sensual kisses, his hand grazed her stomach, making her jump.

“I’m going to be right back,” he whispered against her mouth, kissing her again.

“Mmm,” she murmured, her eyes closing and a happy smile on her face.

He stepped back and walked to the doorway. “You want anything? That wine I opened?” he asked, turning toward her.

She grinned as she turned her head toward him. “No, it’s not needed now. It served its purpose,” she said pointedly.

He grinned back at her and chuckled as he walked out of the room.

In the kitchen, he grabbed two glasses of water, draining his before filing it again. He wiped his mouth and grinned. He was standing naked in Scully’s kitchen. He had just been naked in her bed. Been inside her. Had made her come, many times. He shook his head and headed back to be naked in her bed again. To look at and taste her naked flesh.

She had pulled the blankets, and any pillows they had not already knocked to the floor, off the bed. She was under the sheet, her head on her pillow, a smile on her face, her eyes closed. He set her glass of water down on her nightstand, and she opened her eyes.

She could get used to opening her eyes and finding Mulder standing naked next to her bed. Naked **in** her bed was even better. She smiled her thanks to him and he smiled back. He walked to the other side of the bed, set his glass down on the desk, and slid under the sheet with her.

They both lie there on their backs, not touching, not saying anything. The room was amazingly quiet after all the noise it had endured from its current occupants.

The silence was broken by a snort from Scully. Then a gasp. Then a giggle. He looked at her and grinned. She let out a full belly laugh. He reached for her and pulled her to him. Her laughter vibrating against his throat as he wrapped her in his arms.

“So. That happened,” she said, laughter in her voice. She put an arm around his waist and breathed in his scent. The scent of **them**.

He smiled and nodded, then shook his head. She laughed through her nose and ran her fingers across his back. He shivered and she placed a kiss in the hollow of his throat.

She pulled her head back and looked at him. Her face was serious as she looked at him. He gave her a small smile. She felt tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Then she saw panic in his eyes. He pulled back further and she brought her hands to his face.

“Scully?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

“Mulder,” she breathed. She pulled his forehead down to hers. His hand was resting on her hip, heavy and comforting. “I know you will say everything happens for a reason. That the universe will allow it to happen when it is supposed to happen. Maybe you’re right, Mulder. Maybe this night was predestined.”

She pulled her head back and looked in his eyes again, holding his face in her hands.  “But, couldn’t it have happened sooner? Been pushed up a bit? Saved me from buying so many batteries?” she smiled at him through her teary eyes, waiting for him to realize what she said.

His brain had gone into overdrive when he saw her tears, thinking she had started to regret this decision. Her words were reaching his ears, but not his brain. Then he recognized that smile. The playful Scully smile. Her words slammed into his brain and he growled at her as he pushed her onto her back.

She laughed as he nestled between her legs again. She was silenced by his mouth on hers. She felt him against her inner thigh. Not quite ready, but waking up. He pushed her hands up and held them above her head. She gasped into his mouth.

He kissed a trail from her chin down to her ear. “Unless you bought a lifetime supply, I’d say it’s safe to bypass that section of the store from now on, Scully. See? The universe finally saved you a few bucks. She might be a little late, but damn, I guess she likes to go out with a _bang_.”

She laughed, pulling her hands out of his grasp to hold him to her, close to her heart. He nuzzled her neck and smiled against it. Raising his head, he met her eyes. They were shining with happiness.

He bent his head and kissed her. Hands began exploring. The quiet in the room was soon shattered by sounds of pleasure, as once again, their bodies began to speak a language only their hearts could understand.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Morning and Mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after their first time. How will they react? What will they do?

Scully woke up on her side, facing her desk. She had to fight to drag her eyes open, they felt incredibly heavy with sleep. As she opened them, she realized she was on the opposite end of the bed, near the footboard. She was very close to her desk and she saw a glass half full of water sitting there. 

Strange. She very rarely put any glasses on her desk and what was she doing at this end of the bed? She leaned up on her elbow and then tried to pull herself up, grabbing the footboard for support. A loud exhale of breath was heard at the same time she realized she was naked under the blanket covering her.

Completely naked.

She fell back in a panic, her heart pounding. What was going on? She turned her head and looked behind her. Mulder was sleeping on his back, his chest rising and falling.

His naked chest.

Her eyes widened as she remembered what happened the night before. She turned her head back and laid it on the bed. Her mind was racing. The things they did, the things they said, the taste of him, the feel of him inside her. Her breath began to speed up and she knew she needed to get up and out of the room before he woke up.

She slipped off the bed as carefully as she could, leaving the blanket behind, as half his body was covering it. She quickly tiptoed into the bathroom and shut the door quietly.

She took a deep breath, her head against the door. Images of the night began to flood back to her: his mouth on her, making her moan, making her come. Mulder made her come. She put a hand on her mouth and felt her blood rushing in her veins. He had made her come so many times. Oh god.

She grabbed her robe off the hook and turned to put it on, catching her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was a fright. But the thing that she noticed most was the reddish mark on her neck. She walked closer to the mirror, the robe tossed on the tub. Mulder had marked her on her neck. That fucker.

She stared at it as the bathroom door opened and Mulder walked in, completely naked.

They stared at each other. Both naked before the other, in more ways than one. His eyes travelled the length of her body and hers did the same. Her breath caught when her eyes landed on his semi hard erection. He caught her staring and he smirked.

She narrowed her eyes at him and pointed to her neck. He stepped closer to her and when he tilted her head, his touch seemed to burn her skin. To ignite something inside her that he had laid the kindling for last night. She could smell him and the memory of tasting him as she smelled him last night, made her knees feel wobbly, but she tried to keep her stance as firm as possible.

He ran his fingers lightly over her skin, his breath mixing with hers, as his other hand landed on her hip, his thumb rubbing circles on her hip bone.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, his thumbs rubbing in tandem. He looked in her eyes and she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. 

He pulled her to him and his erection prodded her. She gasped and he took that opportunity to kiss her, tongue sliding straight in, his hand going to the back of her neck. She gripped his side and his waist and kissed him back, not letting him have the upper hand.

He turned them, stepping beside the tub, to the dresser in the corner. She kept a tight grip on him as her back hit the dresser and he leaned his body even closer into hers. The knobs of the drawer poked into her and she pushed against him, hard.

He stepped back, his eyes blinking, his mouth open, taking big breaths. His erection was more prominent now and she could not resist reaching out and feeling it. He gasped as she wrapped her hand around him and began stroking him. She had not had the opportunity to really touch him last night.

He was hot and big in her hand. His skin was smooth and taut. She let her fingernails scrape along the underside and he grabbed her wrist roughly, pulling her hand off of him. She gasped and felt that familiar fire burning through her at the mild roughness she enjoyed during sex. No need to let him know that just yet, she thought. But then his eyes seemed to be reading her innermost thoughts, and he smiled. A slow, knowing smile, that made her breathe harder than any workout ever had.

And that was how she ended up astride him on her bathroom floor, the tile cold on her knees as she rode him toward a blinding orgasm.

He held onto her waist, encouraging her with his grip, digging his fingers into her hips to steady her. She leaned forward and lay on his chest, capturing his mouth in a kiss, their tongues clashing. His hands moved to her back and her neck. He held her mouth to his as she rocked her hips, feeling him hitting her exactly where she needed it.

She pulled back and planted her hands on the floor beside his head and raised up. She looked him in the eyes as she changed the pace and depth. He breathed her name and she clenched her inner muscles. He shouted her name and she did it again. He grabbed her ass and raised his knees, pushing into her. She cried out and then his hands were on her breasts. He cupped and squeezed them, rolling her nipples, making her whimper.

She was getting close. God, she felt so good. So wild, so unlike herself. She closed her eyes and concentrated on how wonderful he felt inside her. She had never had a man as big as him before and it had been so long, she barely remembered how the others even felt. Never, never did they make her feel the way he did. This was the third time he was inside her and she knew it would never be enough. She wanted to feel him under her, on top of her, inside her every day.

With her eyes closed, she felt things differently. Felt his fingers moving from her breasts to her thighs, his short nails digging into her, the light feeling of pain was exquisite. She heard him breathing hard, felt her own breaths running opposite, as if they were creating a rhythm, their song of love. His fingers moved lightly to her inner thighs and he stroked her center twice, then moved his hands to her breasts.

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. Somehow she was able to push herself up onto his chest, gripping onto his shoulders. He pinched her nipples and she screamed, her orgasm coming on unexpectedly quicker than she had anticipated and causing her body to shake.

She squeezed his shoulders, riding out her orgasm, breathing his name over and over, rocking her hips faster against him, squeezing her muscles. He moved his hands from her breasts to grab her ass again, helping her continue her thrusts.

He pushed up into her one more time, hard, and cried out her name, as he emptied inside of her. They both rocked together as they came down. She let go of his shoulders and ran her nails down his chest. He moved his hands up her back and pulled her on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her back and held her close.

They were both breathing hard. She could feel his heart pounding against her forehead, as she rested it against his neck. She knew hers matched his and it made her smile.

“We just had sex on my bathroom floor,” she said, between breaths, disbelief in her voice.

He hummed a chuckle in agreement, his chest vibrating under her. He ran his fingers through her hair and she closed her eyes.

“I’ve never done that before,” she said.

“In this bathroom? Or at all?” he asked.

“At all. Why, have you?” she asked him, curious if he had a habit of sex in bathrooms.

“Had sex in your bathroom? No, Scully, I think you would have noticed,” he said dryly.

She laughed against his throat and raised up to look at him. He kept a hand on her head as they stared at each other and smiled. She shook her head at the absurdity that they were in this position, let alone the many positions they were in last night, or the future ones she was thinking of now.

It was incredible they had waited so long to do this, when it was so fucking good. God, she never wanted to stop feeling the way he made her feel. Alive, sexy, desired, and so damn horny. They were finished, still joined, and she wanted him again. Maybe, just in the bed next time, or on the couch, or the kitchen table. Jesus, she was in trouble.

She kissed him, and then began to get up off of him even as he groaned and tried to keep her with him. She kissed his chest and lifted off of him. She stepped back and looked down at him. Naked, happy, and smiling at her. He sat up, pulled himself up with a hand on her tub, and stepped closer to her.

“Scully-“

“We should go get some breakfast,” she said over him abruptly, as she took a step back from him.

“Breakfast?” he asked, looking confused. “You want to go out and get something? Now?”

“Yeah, I..I think we should,” she said firmly.

He still stood there looking confused and she could not blame him. She was throwing out some strange signals. First she took him in, literally, and now she was seemingly pushing him back.

But, Jesus.. Seven years. Seven years they had never crossed that line. Walked right up to it and dared it to move, pleaded internally at times, eyes burning into the other to  **do** something, make a move, to tell the voice that screamed it was wrong, to fuck off, but it never happened  

Then it did and they had sex three times in the past twelve hours. And god, she wanted him again. And again. But that voice..it was still trying to fight it’s way to be heard. The line was long gone, but that voice was in the distance, it's shouting voice faint, but she could still hear it. She was as confused as him. 

She stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He pulled her close and they stood there.

“Mulder, this is so strange,” she whispered into his chest.

“I know,” he whispered back. “But hey, I like strange. What about you, Scully? Do you like strange?”

She pulled her head back and looked in his eyes. “I’ve been your partner for seven years, I’d say I like strange,” she said with a smile.

He smiled and nodded before he leaned down and kissed her. God, he was a good kisser. His lower lip so full and delicious, and his tongue...He knew just how to kiss her, as if he had been doing it their whole lives.

She pulled back, needing some distance. “I’m going to take a shower,” she said and saw his eyes light up. “Alone, Mulder.” she stated and he pouted.

“We could save time and water, if we buddied up,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

“I seriously doubt both of those would happen if you got in the shower with me,” she scoffed. 

“I promise I’ll be good,” he said, reaching for her hips, pulling her flush against him. He was not ready, but feeling his naked body against her made her wet.

“Oh, I know you would be, Mulder. That is not where my concern lies. I just need a few minutes, okay?” she said, touching his chest.

He sighed, but he nodded, squeezing her hips and then letting her go. She smiled and stepped to the shower and turned on the water, letting it warm up.

“Can I use the bathroom before you get in the shower?” he asked, staring her body up and down, making her body tingle.

“Sure,” she said and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door.

She waited outside the bathroom, her head against the wall, eyes closed. So many thoughts, so many feelings swirled in her head. She needed to deal with them, but with him there, that would not happen. Him leaving, that was not an option, she needed him there. Craved him and wanted him there. God..

The bathroom door opened and her eyes flew open. He stared at her and she felt her insides quake. He made her ache in the best way possible.

He walked up to her, placed his hands on the wall, trapping her in place, leaning into her space. Her breathing sped up and her heart galloped like a wild horse. He stared at her, eyes burning into every corner of her body.

“Bathroom’s free,” he said as he pushed back and turned to walk away.

She felt dazed and it took a second to realize what he said. Asshole, she thought as she reached out and grabbed him.

She pulled his head down and kissed him, running her tongue along his and bit his lip.

She pulled back and looked at him. His turn to look dazed as she let him go and walked toward the bathroom. 

“Be out in a few minutes,” she said over her shoulder, shutting the door before he could respond. She still heard his growl as the door latched all the way. She smiled and stepped in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, she was in her robe in her room, while Mulder was finishing his turn in the shower. She had been sitting on her bed, hair still damp, for the past ten minutes, laughing silently at how normal this felt. How many times had she sat in a room while he showered in the next one?

Rooms they had been forced to share or rooms connected, but the doors never fully closed. She had grown used to the sound of him moving around in the room next to hers. She had just never heard him getting ready after they had been so overcome with need, they had fucked on the bathroom floor. Her knees were still a little sore, as were other parts of her, but she would do it again in a heartbeat. God, would she ever.

She had not heard the shower stop, so she was surprised when Mulder walked in the room wearing a towel around his waist. His hair was damp and sticking up at all angles. He looked so adorable. Christ, she began to ache for him.

He seemed surprised to find her simply sitting on her bed, not getting dressed. Considering she had suggested they go get food, she could understand. He came over and knelt in front of her. She stared at him as she felt desire for him ramp up to an insatiable need in seconds. She needed his hands on her. To touch her, to make her come.

He slid his hands across her thighs to the knot in her robe. He kept his eyes on her as he untied it and slid his hands inside. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to the edge of the bed. Oh, dear god, she was already so wet.

He opened her robe and leaned his head down, taking a nipple into his mouth. She gasped and arched into him, grabbing his head. He suckled at her nipple, then took her breast into his mouth, his hands on her waist, his thumbs stroking.

He switched to the other breast and she held her breath, then let it out in a huff. Jesus, he was going to make her come.

“Mulder,” she breathed.

He pulled his head back and looked at her. She bent her head and kissed him. That wonderful tongue sliding across her own. Slowly, sweetly, reverently. She pulled back and held his face in her hands. His hands moved to her back and he pulled her forward.

She knew what he was doing and she began to shake. Her legs trembled.

“Cold?” he asked as he leaned back and moved his hands to open her robe more and then her legs.

“No,” she whispered.

He looked up at her and grinned. He ran his fingers up her thighs and she shivered. He knelt closer to her as he breathed her in and her legs shook again.

“You smell so good,Scully,” he murmured against her thigh, before he kissed it. “You taste so good. I could spend all day with my mouth on you, tasting you, feeling you,” he kissed her other thigh and she cried out.

She thrust her hips into him and grabbed his head holding him on her thigh. She came hard and he had not even touched her yet.

“Mulder,” she moaned. “Oh my god. Mulder, Mulder.”

She caressed his head, as he kissed her thigh. She would have felt embarrassed if she was not feeling so amazingly good.

“Oh my god. I..what’s that? Oh my god!” she whispered as she pushed him back and he fell on his ass. She could have sworn she heard the front door shut.

She stood up, closing her robe, as she hurried to her bedroom door and listened. Oh god, she could her humming. Only one other person besides Mulder had keys to her apartment. Oh, please no.

“Get in the bathroom!” she hissed at him.

“What?!”  he said, scrambling to his feet, grabbing at his towel.

She pushed him toward the bathroom, panic on her face.

“Scully”-

“Mulder, shut up!” She seethed as she pushed him into the bathroom. “My  **mother** is in the kitchen! God! What the fuck is she doing here?!”

“Is that all?” he laughed quietly. “Who cares?”

She looked at him imploringly. She looked at the bathroom door then at him again.

“Please, just.. just wait here okay? Quietly!” she whispered, checking to see if her robe was closed properly.

She smoothed her drying hair and looked at him one more time. He stared with an amused smile on his face, but he nodded. She opened the door and walked out, closing it softly behind her.

She stopped in the hallway, double checking again that she was covered. She took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. Her mother was humming as she closed the refrigerator door.

“Dana!” her mother cried out, grasping at her chest. “You gave me quite a fright.”

You and me both, Scully thought. The thought of what she had been about to do, or have done  **to** her, still causing a warm tingle to course through her.

“Didn’t you say you were back to work today, honey?” Maggie asked, staring at her.

“Tomorrow,” she said, flicking her eyes toward the bathroom, then back to her mom.  

“Are you feeling okay, Dana?” Maggie asked, stepping close to her. She reached out a hand and touched her forehead. “You look a little flushed.”

“Oh,” Scully said, as she stepped back. “I just got out of the tub. I was taking a bath.”

Her heart pounded and she thought she heard a noise in the bathroom. Her mom did not seem to notice.

“Well, good. I’m glad to see you’re having an easy day. You deserve it, Dana,” Maggie said, smiling at her. “So you’re feeling better, then? Better than the other day?”

Oh, Jesus was she.

“I am, yes. So, what’s the occasion for you to stop by at this time of day, Mom?” she asked in what she hoped sounded like a curious tone and not a “let’s hurry this along I have a naked man waiting for me” tone.

“Oh! Well, I’m meeting Marge Clyman for lunch and then we are going to help out at the church donation drive. I was driving by that bakery you like and so I stopped and got you some of those muffins you enjoy. And a couple for Fox, too,” she said pulling a bakery bag from the canvas tote bag she carried and setting it on the table.

“That was really nice of you, Mom. Thank you,” she said as she felt her Catholic guilt bubbling to the surface. The things her mother would raise her eyebrows at that had happened this morning alone. Oh, god.

“I also got some orange juice, it’s in the fridge. But I was just stopping by, I can’t stay,” she said, heading toward the door. “Enjoy the muffins and be sure to give Fox his. When you see him, of course.”

She opened the door and Scully stood ready to close it after her departure.

Maggie stepped out the door and then turned around. “Oh, Dana,” she said looking Scully right in the eyes. “If you plan on going out today, I would suggest putting something on this,” she said, reaching out and touching her neck. “Or maybe.. wearing a turtleneck?”

Scully’s hand flew to the spot where Mulder had nipped at her, marking her in his passion last night. She wanted the floor to swallow her up and never be seen again. She  **never** had a hickey at any point when she was younger, at least not where he mother could see. Now here she was, a thirty six year old woman, in front of her mother with a hickey. She was mortified. That  **fucker** ...

“Wa..I.. eh.. th.. uh,” were the random sounds her brain decided to sign off on. Not even able to coherently give an explanation as to what or why it was there.

“Let Fox know the coast is clear now and make sure he enjoys the uh…muffins, okay?” Maggie said with a wink and grin.

“MOM!” Scully said in shock.

Maggie stepped back and laughed. She walked down the hall and just before she turned the corner, she looked back. Her eyes were softer and her smile impossibly big.

“I told you,” she said softly, and then she walked away.

Scully closed the door and locked it, resting her head against it. She turned around and put her head in her hands as she slid to the floor. She leaned against it with her knees up, her robe covering her.

She heard Mulder come out of the bathroom. She looked up and saw him peek his head around the corner. He looked surprised to find her on the floor. He must have gone back into her room, because he had his boxers on now.

He walked over and squatted down by her. “What are you doing, Scully?” he asked her quietly.

She looked at him. She pointed to her neck, again showing him what he did to her. She raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes. He stared at her and then he started laughing. He touched the spot again and she whined his name.

“So, your mom knows. Is it that big of a deal?” he asked, smiling.

“I just.. I feel like I’m sixteen and my mom caught me and Robby Malcolm making out on the couch as he was  **very** close to getting to second base, by the way,” she said, shaking her head and whining again.

“Scully,” he reached for her hands as he stood up, pulling her up with him. “I don’t care that she knows.. as long as she wasn’t upset. She wasn’t, was she?”

She snorted and looked at him.

“Well then, who cares? Do you want me to call my mother and tell her we had sex? I will, if that’s what you want,” he said looking at her.

“Mulder, stop,” she said, shaking her head, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“I’ll do it,” he said, miming feeling for his phone. As he only had his boxers on, it was quite comical. She smiled and sighed.Scully, I don’t care who knows. Well, maybe we don’t mention it to Skinner or Kersh. But anyone else, who cares? Do you? Is your mother knowing, going to stop you from.. the unfinished business we have?” he asked as he reached for her robe belt again.

“Mulder,” she warned.  

“Oh, that’s right, your “business”  **was** finished. And quite quickly and with very little effort on my part,” he had his hand on the belt, staring at her. “You know, I always felt I was a.. fairly decent lover, but the reaction you had, the way you did.. damn, I had no idea I was  **that** good.”

She tried to hide a smile, but she could not do it when he looked at her that way.

“Could I persuade you to come back to the bedroom? Show you the  **actual** activities I had planned? Maybe there’s something I could do..?” he asked as he kissed her jaw, her cheek, temple, eyelids, throat, ears and then finally her lips. Light kisses, his lips teasing her.

He moved his hands from the belt to her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks as he deepened the kiss. Her back hit the door when his tongue slid in her mouth and he stole the oxygen from her lungs. He continued his assault on her mouth and then moved to her throat as she tried to catch her breath.

“So, was that enough to persuade you?” he asked against her throat, his hands sliding into her hair.

“Hmm,” she hummed, tipping her head back "to give him better access to her neck. “It’s pretty good, but I’m afraid my area of persuasion lies a little lower.”

He pulled his head back and grinned at her. “Is that right? Well, looks like I’ll have to go on a little treasure hunt. Will X mark the spot? Or does that rarely happen?” he asked, his eyes alight.

She grinned at him. Bringing the movie they watched the other day into this dance, oh god she loved this man. She untied her robe belt and he stood back, shaking his head and smiling.

He reached out and touched the collar, sliding it open. “Here?” he asked as he placed open mouthed kisses across her collarbone.

“No,” she breathed.

He slid the robe off her shoulders, following it with his mouth. She practically purred as he started that fire in her again.

He pulled back and looked at her with a question in his eyes. She shook her head and he smiled and slid the robe off her arms. It fell to the floor as he cupped her breasts, massaging them before he lowered his head to take her nipple into his mouth. She gasped and then moaned.

He sucked and bit at her nipple as he squeezed her breast. She grabbed his upper arms to hold her steady. She dropped her head against the door and took huge breaths. How would she ever not be immediately aroused by him? Already she felt so close, it was insane.

He moved to her other breast and she gripped his arms tighter. She moaned his name and he lifted his head.

“I gotta be getting close now, Scully,” he said with a smirk.

“Oh, close.. yeah,” she said, her eyes closed as his hands landed on her waist, rubbing his thumbs in circles.

He laughed and she opened her eyes. He had such a proud look on his face, his hair still mussed, his smile huge, his eyes full of laughter. Her heart pounded as his hands slid around to her back and pulled her to him.

He was getting hard and she wanted him inside her again. But first, he needed to finish what he started earlier. She was owed that after the fiasco of this morning.

She pushed off his chest, and walked toward her room. She turned around and looked at him. “You coming?” she asked him with a nod toward the bedroom.

“Oh, I certainly plan on it,” he said, walking toward her.

She laughed and shook her head. His eyes fell on the bag on the counter. “What’s this?” he asked, looking inside.

“My mom dropped off some muffins,” she said, stepping close and pulling his arm, determined to  **not** think about her mother’s words regarding enjoying the muffins.

He closed the bag and grabbed it as he grabbed her by the waist, pulling her close again.

“Perfect. Now we don’t have to leave. We can have breakfast in bed,” he said, kissing her, caressing her tongue with his own.

He kissed his way to her ear where he whispered, “But first I plan on picking up where I left off. I’m going to taste you and make you come. We’ll have these after.”

She shook at his words and breathed hard, every nerve on end. Her core throbbed and she became wet at the anticipation of his mouth on her again. Jesus, he was going to kill her. If dying from too much pleasure was possible.

She pulled back and stared at him. Her chest heaving, eyes full of lust, as she stepped back. 

“Grab the orange juice, too. I have a feeling we’ll need the extra vitamins,” she stared at him as she backed away. He looked her up and down and she felt hot desire run through her like lava.

She walked into the bedroom as she heard the fridge open and close with a slam. He was in the room, all but throwing the stuff on the dresser, and reaching for her before she had a chance to think.

He guided her to the bed, sat her down, and knelt in front of her. He put his hands lightly on her thighs, then laid his head on one. He kissed her thigh and murmured, “Yeah, this is where we were.”

Then he suddenly lifted his head and turned toward the kitchen. She looked at him as he gripped her thighs. She held her breath, then closed her eyes briefly, the anticipation making her crazy. God. What was he doing?

“I don’t hear anything, Scully. I think we’re safe,” he looked up at her and grinned. She laughed and he moved closer to her again.

He looked up one more time before opening her legs a little further. In no time, he turned her laughter into sighs, moans, and then shouts, as he made good on his promise and earned his forgiveness.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this was fun. Sexy times and interruptions.. nothing is ever easy for these two. 
> 
> Mama Scully is so happy these two dummies finally figured their shit out. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Worries and Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worries are discussed. Decisions are made. The groundwork for the possibility of the Season of Secret Sex begins!

Scully called out Mulder’s name as she grabbed his head, another orgasm crashing through her in waves. Jesus, she needed a chance to catch her breath.

He made good on his promise to her, bringing her to orgasm as she cried out and her legs shook. He stayed, kneeling on the floor, keeping her at the brink, before he began again, his name flowing from her lips like the arousal from her body.

She could not take anymore. She pushed his head away, begging him to stop before falling back on the bed. God. She did not know it was possible to come so many times, and so easily. Never had she done so before. She felt so relaxed, happy, and weightless.

He laid down next to her and kissed her body while she breathed his name and licked her lips. He kissed her arms, hands, stomach, hips, shoulders, neck and then her mouth.

He worshiped her mouth and ran his hands up and down her body. He elicited chills everywhere he touched. As if his fingers were a magnet and its mate was under her skin, begging to go and find the one it had been calling out for. Why had they waited so long to touch each other this way?

She shivered and he pulled back from her.

“Are you cold?” he asked, his eyes full of concern.

“Not a chance of that,” she laughed, stroking his face.

He smiled and her heart pounded. He kissed her again and began to crawl over her. She opened her legs, allowing him better access. He did not seem to be in a hurry and she was thankful for it. She wanted him, but she still needed a minute.

“Mulder,” she sighed as she brought her arms around him and ran her nails down his back. “I.. Mulder, that was... god..it was so-“

“Wet?” he offered with a smirk, his erection rubbing across her stomach.

She threw her head back and laughed and he joined in, as he kissed her neck. That was one way to describe it. She chuckled once more and then raised her head as he pulled back from her neck and her laughter caught in her throat. He was looking at her with such intensity, it made her heart race.

She felt again that magnetic pull, as his eyes bore into hers. As if time stopped and all that mattered was them. If they lost nine minutes again, she would not care. As long as he was with her like this when they did. Heavy, solid, and hard.

“Mulder,” she whispered.

“I know,” he whispered back.

He slid into her and they both cried out. Slowly he began stroking in and out. She moaned and gripped him by his shoulders. She dug her fingers into his skin as he set a quicker rhythm.

He looked at her and he shook his head. “I’m sorry. This is going to be fast. I..” he started to slow down, but she pushed her ankles into his ass.

“Mulder, it’s okay. Don’t slow down, keep going,” she said, smiling at him.

“You’re not..” he said, shaking his head.

“Mulder,” she breathed. “Go, it’s okay.”

He continued his thrusts, her meeting him, loving the way he loved her. His worry that it would be too fast, made her stomach flip. He had spent so much time loving her, making her happy, and he was worried it would not be enough now. God, she loved him.

With a cry, he thrust a couple more times, emptying himself inside her. He laid his head on hers as he came down and tried to catch his breath.

She murmured into his ear as she stroked his hair, his head falling into her neck. She did not reach her climax with him. She did not think she would. She still felt a bit shaky from earlier, but also so happy.

“I’m sorry,” he said in her neck.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Mulder,” she said holding him tight.

He raised his head and looked at her. She watched him search her face. She smiled and held his gaze.

“But, you didn’t..” he said, almost guiltily.

“Mulder, you just spent longer than anyone has ever, seeing to my pleasure. My god, you have **nothing** to apologize for,” she said as she held his face in her hands.

He kept staring before he nodded and kissed her. He laid back down, nestling in her neck, breathing deeply. She closed her eyes and held him, loving the weight of his body on hers.

She woke up a couple hours later. They had shifted a bit, but he still held her in his arms. She was on her side, her face in his neck, his scent all around her. This was how she wanted to wake up forever.

A small part of her was terrified at how quickly this happened. They had been together for seven years. Seven years of a partnership based on trust and friendship. They had not been chasing a relationship such as this one. Now, a week off work, and they had gone from partners to lovers.

She felt so confused, again. Jesus, she needed to think. She pulled away from him and got out of bed. He rolled over, but did not wake. She watched him for a few minutes before getting up and heading into the bathroom.

She took another shower, thinking about what they needed to discuss, worrying he would be angry with her when he heard what she had to say. She grabbed some clothes and got dressed. She glanced at him, still sleeping, before heading back into the bathroom.

She woke him a little bit later. She sat on the bed and touched his chest, feeling his heartbeat and his lungs filling with air. He was so beautiful and he was here. In her bed. Naked in her bed.

Jesus, it had taken so long to reach this point, she thought shaking her head. He had to share her worries. He would understand what she needed to say. Right?

He stirred and looked at her, taking a deep breath. She erased the worry from her face, keeping her expression neutral.

“Hey,” he said, reaching for her hand on his chest, his eyes closed. He opened them again and looked at her. “You’re dressed. Makeup and hair done. What’s going on, Scully?”

He pulled her wrist and she fell onto him. He had closed his eyes again. He held her against his chest, a hand on her head, the other over hers across his stomach. They lay there quietly for a minute. He kissed her head and took a deep breath.

“I think we should go out. Get some lunch,” she said, snuggling into his side, nervous and not wanting him to see.

“Hmm, yeah we never got around to eating those muffins did we?” he asked, stroking her hair.

She cringed thinking of her mother’s words, and then sat up, forcing him to open his eyes. She looked at him and smiled.

“Okay,” he said, rubbing his face. “I’ll get up.”

He sat up and then slid off the bed. She was treated to a nice view of his ass as he headed to the bathroom and she smiled again. It really was a nice ass.

A bit later, they were seated outside at a nearby restaurant. They were both reading their menus, deciding what sounded good.

She looked at him as he rolled his lip between his fingers. He always did that when he was focused on something. It drove her crazy with desire before and now,  she wanted to climb in his lap and bite it, knowing he would welcome it.

Get a hold of yourself, Dana. Stop looking at his mouth. But then he licked his lips and she wanted to feel that tongue on her body. Jesus. She needed to talk to him.

Thankfully the waiter arrived and took their orders, saving her from doing something indecent. He walked away and she glanced at Mulder. He smiled at her and she took a deep breath.

“So you obviously have something you want to tell me. Bringing me out in public, getting me dressed. Don’t want to risk anything happening,” he said with a smile, before she could speak.

She sighed and looked down. She shook her head and looked up at him again.

“It’s not that, Mulder. I just..”

“Scully,” he said reaching for her hand. He linked their fingers together and leaned forward. “I know. We.. we took a big jump forward. A huge fucking daredevil canyon leap. Our time off ends tomorrow and you’re confused about where we stand. I get it. I do.” 

“Mulder, it’s not just those feelings, it’s a lot of others as well,” she said holding his hand and closing her eyes for a second. “For a week we’ve been together almost every day. We’ve had times where we were together for months at a time. But this week..it was different.”

“I’ll say it was different,” he said waggling his eyebrows. She sighed and he squeezed her fingers. “Those months you refer to Scully, were usually in a quarantine situation. Shots, medicine, check-ups, breathing treatments, blood draws. Definitely not as romance inducing as some may imagine,” he said and she smiled slightly.

“Scully, at the time, in those quarantine close quarters, if we had stepped toward anything like the past few days, I would have been terrified,” he said

She laughed quietly, but there were tears in her eyes. He sat closer and stroked her cheek. 

“It doesn’t mean I would have stopped you,” he said, both of them laughing. “I just would have been scared. Scared of what would happen, how we would move forward, and how it would affect our partnership.”

She pulled back from him and shook her head. She took a deep breath and looked in his eyes.

“That’s how I feel right now. I.. I don’t want this to stop, but I’m scared. I don’t want it to change **us** . To have you think I can’t handle my job because we’ve been intimate. Let me finish,” she said, seeing him ready to say something. “I don’t.. I don’t want you thinking I can’t handle something because you’re worried about me. Or you stop arguing with me because you want to stay on my good side so we have sex later. I don’t want that. I want us to be **us** still. I’m just worried it won’t happen if we are thinking about remaining happy to get something from the other later. That’s not us, Mulder.”

He sighed and squeezed her hand. He sat for a minute and she felt her heart pounding harder the longer he took to answer her concerns.

“Scully,” he began, his eyes on the table. “Regardless of if we are sleeping together or not, I worry about you and your safety. That has always been the case.”

He pulled his hand from hers and shifted his chair closer to her. He turned his body sideways and took both of her hands in his own and looked at her.

“Before we journeyed down this road, I thought of what it would be like to be with you. To kiss you,” he said, his face serious. “I didn't know then and I still worried about you, all the time. I know you can handle yourself with anything, Scully. I know you can. That’s not going to change now that I know what it’s like to kiss you. To know how your lips feel on mine. The scent of your skin..”

“Mulder,” she said warningly, even as her heart rate increased.

“How you taste. What sounds you make when you’re about to come. The ones you make when you **do** come, because they’re different you know..”

“ **Mulder**!” she said through her teeth as she felt herself grow wet at his words.

“How you feel around me. How I feel when I’m inside you. How it feels to empty myself inside your body. The way your breasts feel in my hands. The taste of your skin as I lick you..”

“ **MULDER**!” she shouted, desire coursing through her body, glad they were the only people in the area. The restraint it took to not climb in his lap, was astronomical.

“I’m just saying, Scully,” he said, sitting back and rearranging his chair as if he had not just been openly discussing being inside her. “I wondered all that before. It’s always been there. Now that I know, I will still worry, but not any differently than before.”

He stared at her, calm as could be, while she felt she needed a cold shower. Maybe he was going to be able to do this and she would fail. She was about to continue their conversation, when the waiter arrived with their food.

Mulder thanked him and started eating. He looked up at her and winked. The absolute audacity of his cheek. She wanted to slap him. Then climb on him and kiss the air out of his lungs. Bastard.

They ate their meal and then he suggested taking a walk. He grabbed her hand, not caring if anyone they knew saw them. She kept a tight grip on his fingers. Things were still left unsaid. How they would proceed forward, still hanging in the balance.

He stopped them by a bench and they sat down. She smiled. Benches, rocks, forest floors, that was where they seemed to have the most in depth conversations. Well, time to add another bench to the list.

“Mulder,” she began, keeping her eyes on the ground. “I’d like to.. continue this.. this journey. I think we just need to take it slow.”

He chuckled and put his arm around the back of the bench. He looked at her as she looked up at him.

“Seven years wasn’t slow enough?” he teased her.

She smiled, looking at her hands in her lap. “It’s not like we were pursuing each other for seven years.”

“Speak for yourself,” he muttered, turning his head to the side.

“Mulder,” she said looking at him, fixing him with a look.  

He smiled, looking back at her. They stared at each other and then she looked away.

“The work comes first,” she said quietly. “That can’t change. We have both worked too hard to be where we are and do what we do, to risk it all. No matter if the sex is great.”

“Great?” he asked her, surprise on his face. “It’s fucking fantastic. And I think you would agree.”

She brought her hand to her face and rested her elbow on her knee. She moved her thumb under her chin, her index finger by her ear. She stared at him and smiled slowly. She nodded and he grinned.

She sat up, brushed her hands down her thighs and clasped her hands together. “We need to establish boundaries though, Mulder. Maybe.. think of..”

“Scully,” he said, moving his arm and leaning forward and clasping his hands together. “Seven years, we’ve worked together. Days, nights, weekends, holidays. I know you better than anyone I’ve ever known in my life. You are.. you are more important than anything to me. If you want to go slow or set boundaries, I’m in. Whatever you want. If you wanted to stop this, to go back…”

“No, I don’t want that, Mulder,” she said fiercely.

“So, we go slow. Can’t be any different than it has been. Aside from the sex, of course,” he said with a chuckle. “Slow though..what does that entail exactly? I can’t see us, what “dating”? I don’t even think I know how to do that,” he said, looking uncomfortable.

She laughed and put her head on his shoulder. He moved again, his arm across the back of the bench and she put her head back down on his shoulder.

“Do I show up with flowers? Or presents to win you over?” he asked teasingly and she laughed. “I mean I’d do that if it’s what you wanted, but…that’s not really you, Scully. You buck the norm. You’re not like any woman I’ve ever known.”

“Known lots of women have you?” she asked him, jokingly.

“The wrong ones, it seems,” he answered.

“Wow. Laying it on pretty thick, don’t you think?” she asked, and he laughed.

After a couple minutes of silence, she sat up and looked at him.

“If you’re looking for ways to my heart,” she said with a smile and a wink. “I like chocolate, candles, bubble bath, and ice cream. I enjoy watching movies with you, arguing theories, discussing scientific discoveries, and of course, pointing out when you’re wrong.”

“Dark chocolate. Vanilla scented candles-because other smells are too heavy for the house. Jasmine and rose bubble bath-if the rose scent isn’t too “rosy.” Vanilla and sometimes eucalyptus oils if you don’t want bubbles. Butter pecan ice cream,” he said, ticking them off on his fingers.

“And I’m very rarely wrong,” he added smiling at her, his eyes twinkling.

She stared at him. She felt her heart beating not with blood, but love. Love was pounding from her heart to the rest of her body and back again.

“How do you know all that?” she whispered.

He smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Same way I know you prefer dressing on the side of your salad, you like red wine, you sleep on the right side of the bed, you prefer butter to syrup on your pancakes, you can eat the crap out of a plate of ribs, you can also look at the stomach contents of a corpse and decide that what they last ate, sounds good to you.”

He held her face in his hands. “I know you, Scully. I know the ways to your heart. It doesn’t involve gifts. It’s through trust, patience, attention, and caring. Gifts you cannot tangibly accept, but that carry more weight than chocolate. Even dark chocolate,” he said quietly, smiling at her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, and then did what she wanted to do, and climbed in his lap. She straddled him and kissed him deeper. She ran her tongue across his as his stroked back. She kissed his lips, cheeks, ears, jaw and back to his lips.

His hands on her hips pushed her into his groin and they both groaned. He did it again and she yelped.

“What.. what was that you said earlier about boundaries?” he asked as they rested their heads together.

“Starting tomorrow. Take me home. We go back to the slow burn tomorrow. With occasional full scale fires in between,” she said, climbing off his lap and pulling him to his feet.

He laughed and kissed her again, before they walked quickly to the car. One more night together before the real world came knocking. 

Scully woke up to her alarm blaring. She reached over and shut it off, groaning as she opened her eyes to see the time. 5:45. Ugh, it was so early. When did she even set her alarm?

Mulder. He must have set it.

She rolled over and found him gone. The pillow still held the shape of his head and the blankets were tousled. She missed him already.

They had come back and made love slowly. Taking their time to learn each other’s bodies better. Promises had been made with their kisses. Strokes of the fingers had created plans for future touches. Gasps and soft cries had shouted out their love. Grasps and squeezes had sung out their need for more. Always more. Breaths and heartbeats created a language only they two would ever be able to decipher.

They had discussed plans on how they would go forward with this once they were back at work. Behave as normal at the office, where everyone assumed they were sleeping together anyway. Night’s were theirs to do what they wanted. On the road they could be a little less rigid, but not overly obvious. Still have two hotel rooms, even if only one was used. Keep up appearances and come to the other, if that was desired. They had drifted off to sleep holding each other.

Scully sighed, knowing she did not want to get up and face the real world. Staying in the memory of this week, sounded wonderful. Maybe she would ask Mulder if there was ever a case where a person lived in the same day over and over. Sounded crazy, but so did most of the stuff they investigated.

She stretched and grabbed his pillow. Yeah, it was his now. She could not think of it as anything else. She held it and thought of him, wishing he was there. She put the pillow back and felt something between it and the pillow underneath.

She sat up and looked. It was a notecard with papers taped to it. The fortunes from the cookies from the other night, she realized, as she recognized hers. She read it again.  

“Your journey will reward you with the answers you seek.”

Just as she felt before, she thought of their work. How it seemed like a sign, if she believed in those, that they needed to focus on that aspect. That it was where their future lay.

Then she saw Mulder’s and she smiled.

“You will follow your path to what your heart desires.”

Under it, he had written a note.

“My journey for so long has been to find the truth. I may never find **all** the answers I seek, but I know what my heart desires.”

She smiled. She shook her head, pulled off the covers, and got out of bed. She put the note with the other he left her a few days ago. She looked at them both and thought of the week. It had started with heartbreak, but ended with her heart beginning to mend.

Maybe she would never have a child. That was out of her hands now. But she did have a partner who loved her and would do anything to make her happy. If she had the rest of her life to spend with the person who held the other half of her heart, that would do.

That would be enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! This has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions for me. This story went places I had not intended but gladly welcomed. I have enjoyed this journey, learned from my mistakes, and found deeper meaning into these two characters I love so much. I hope you have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have writing it. Much love all. ❤️


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